Comfortably Numb
by TashaB-26
Summary: It had been six years since Ezra left Aria when he suddenly appears back into her life. What Ezra didn't know was since he left her she had never been the same. When Aria's new reckless lifestyle becomes a concern, will Ezra step up and redeem himself or will he give up his fight to win her back? Warning: Includes drug abuse.
1. The Great Escape

**A/N: This story was inspired by a fanfiction I had read a while ago called 'The Popstar and The Sport's Journalist' which is a really great story that you should also definitely read.**

 **In this story Ezra and Aria's relationship history is exactly like it was on the show up until season 6. I hope you enjoy.**

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Chapter 1

The Great Escape

Do you ever ask yourself how you got where you are now? Wonder where it all went wrong? Where that significant turning point happened in your life that turned it all upside down? I was top of the class, I was head of the photography and poetry club, and I graduate Hollis with flying colours. So, what happened to lead me here? My future was so bright then all of a sudden the light dimmed and there was no way for me to salvage it.

Maybe it was when he left. Maybe when he decided I was no longer who he wanted, but I didn't understand how that was possible. He left me when I was in my final year of High School and still I continued on with my life. I wanted to prove to him that I didn't need him, but I guess I did. I needed something or someone to keep me on the straight and narrow. I just wasn't aware of that until it was too late.

I guess it wasn't just him. It was everything, but he was a large contributing factor to my downfall. I had wanted to break away and somewhere deep down I thought maybe moving to New York would get me closer to finding him. I never did move on, regardless of all the nameless loveless nights, I still hadn't forgotten about him. I still had my friends and family to help me through it. It's not like we were together anymore, so in truth he didn't owe me anything. That just wasn't the point. We spent two long years together and he just up and left without even a goodbye, an email, a text, just a note.

A part of me wondered if he had left or was kidnapped by A, but I think I was deluding myself to believe that because I couldn't cope with that fact that he had abandoned me. I asked myself if it was my fault, if I had pushed him a way, yet that wouldn't have made sense. We were doing well as just friends, of course it was hard to withhold physical contact or the usual compliments that we flattered each other with, but other than that we were good.

I wonder if he even thinks about me anymore. I wonder if he has a wife and kids. I wonder if he thinks of me whenever he eats key lime pie, or listens to The Fray, or watches 'It Happened One Night.' Because I certainly thought of him. The only way I could possibly forget was by indulging in escapism. Yes, by that I meant drugs and alcohol. It was New York City; it wasn't hard to get a hold of. I had friends in all the wrong places, and misery loved company.

I had a job, I had a good job. I worked in Fashion. I know, it wasn't the initial path I had planned on taking, but I bumped into a guy one night who found my extravagant fashion sense to be sensational. Sensational enough to recruit me as an intern for his Fashion Line. It wasn't great pay at first, but it also came with an apartment that I shared with a model, Katie Pollard. She was tall, slim, beautiful, and had long red hair. I was hesitant at first with not knowing anything about the girl other than that she was a model who moved here from London. At first look, to me she was just another spoilt beauty who I envied, but when I spoke to her there was more under the surface. We soon became best friends.

I obviously missed my life at Rosewood, but it wasn't the same anymore. I didn't miss Rosewood; I missed how Rosewood used to be. I missed living with both my parents, I missed having friends without the complications of being stalked, and I missed him. I missed him being around. I missed seeing him every day in class or waking up in his apartment every Saturday and Sunday morning to the smell of pancakes. Knowing he wasn't there meant that I missed it much less.

Other than that, my life in New York City was most girls' wet dreams. I was surrounded by models, not all of which were girls, I had money to blow, I had a fancy apartment, and I was best friends with the most well-known models in the US. Things had progressed a lot since I had first started the job. I was now even allowed to input ideas into the line. It was perfect, but it wasn't for me. I knew that, but the partying most certainly helped me forget that.

"Aria! Where is my fur coat?" Katie shouted as she rummaged through her thousands of clothing items.

I hated hangovers. The morning afters were always the worst, especially since it seemed Katie was immune to hangovers. She didn't understand the torture she inflicted on me at the sound of her voice bellowing through our apartment. I could barely remember my name let alone know where her fur coat was. Why this clothing item was so essential I didn't know, but it seemed she was persistent in finding it which meant I wasn't getting any rest unless I helped her.

I dragged my almost lifeless body out of the bed and padded to the walk in closet. It was a mess. Clothes were piled up in every inch of the room and I knew that I would be the one cleaning this up once she goes about her day. I felt like I was her secretary rather than her best friend at times. I glanced at my side of the closet and was relieved to know that it had remained untouched. At least she respected other people's property because she showed little towards her own.

"Have you checked the boxes on top of the shoe rack?" I yawned as I rubbed the sleep out of my drowsy eyes that were coated with smudged eye liner.

"Good idea." she squeaked with sudden optimism as she pulled the box marked with her name from the shoe rack.

Katie was sent a lot of free clothes from other brands and labels because if people see Katie wearing it then they would want to buy it. What they didn't know was that Katie could make anything look good. She could walk out of the house wearing a trash can and make it work. She was a fashion icon. I, however, was just her friend. I was known because her Instagram was basically filled with me, but once they find out I am 5'2 then any chances of being scouted go out of the window. I was fine with that; I saw what Katie went through to be a model. The expectation seemed exhausting. Hardly ever eating or constantly exercising. I just couldn't do it. I loved desserts way too much.

"You're a star, Ar." She exclaimed as she unfolded the fur coat from the box before she threw it to the ground and pulled me into a hug that almost stopped my blood circulation.

"Pick that up before you lose it, Kate." I warned and the ditsy red head did as I said before dancing out of the room and adding the finishing touches to her outfit.

I ambled out of the closet and closed the door behind me, not willing to look back at the mess I inevitably had to clean up. I wasn't too fussed, it had become a routine. I was becoming accustomed to the drinking and the drugs and the partying that I hoped I soon wouldn't be affected by the morning after like Katie. How lucky could she get? She was beautiful beyond words and she could drink until her spleen almost collapsed without ever dealing with having a hangover the morning after.

"How do I look?" she chirped as she spun herself around in front of me, pulling ridiculous faces in the meantime.

"Do I even have to answer that?" I laughed as she gave me the look of a confused puppy, a look that seemed to be forever present on her face. "Beautiful as always." I smiled before trudging back to bed and collapsing onto it, smothering my face with the pillow to block out the sunlight that streamed into my bedroom. Getting back to sleep now seemed unlikely.

"Are you awake, my beautiful best friend?" Kate sycophantically cooed. She knew how to get her own way. I just hummed in response, not removing the pillow from my face. "I left my ride outside the club and I have an interview for 'Times Magazine' on my stance against animal testing. Can you give me a ride?"

I removed the pillow that was covering my face and gave her an incredulous look, but she seemed bemused by my look of disbelief. "You're wearing a fur coat."

"It's faux fur." She said matter-of-factly, gaining the roll of my eyes. As much as I loved Katie, it was like living with a child. "Should I change?"

"Yeah. What times the interview?" I asked as I crawled out of bed for the second time in the past 10 minutes.

"12:30." She called as she strutted off to the closet.

"It's 11:00." I called back in confusion as I checked my phone. Another 10 missed calls from guys I must've given my number to last night, all of which I planned on blocking. If I didn't remember any of them then they must not have been important.

"I like to be fashionably early." She replied as she returned from the closet with two outfits, holding them against herself and looking at me for my opinion.

"That's not a thing." I laughed. "The right one." she nodded in approval and disappeared to get changed. "I'm having a shower. I cannot leave the house with you whilst looking like this. The headlines won't be 'Pollard speaks against animal testing' it'll be 'Pollard treats homeless lady to a day out'." I joked gaining a laugh that echoed from her bedroom.

"Either way it gets me good publicity." She responded to which I hummed in response to before disappearing to the bathroom.

It was 12:00 and I was putting on the finishing touches of my make-up while Katie sat on the edge of my bed, scrolling through my phone, waiting for me. She was dressed and ready in no time, needing little effort to look stunning.

"Aria!" she groaned throwing herself back onto my mattress. "How long are you going to take? I am going to be late."

"I am done." I mumbled as I applied my red lipstick and turned to her for approval.

"You look beautiful, as you always do, now can we go." She said as she stood up and dragged me towards the door.

"My purse, keys, and phone!" I called in panic; she rolled her eyes at me before running back to my room and grabbing all of my necessary items.

We drove to the Coffee house that they had especially hired out for the evening to interview Katie. I had no idea how long the process was. She had already done the photo shoot so thankfully, that wouldn't be an extra few hours added to my day. I had things to do, people to meet. Admittedly those things were to get wasted and those people were my dealer and my friends, but they are still important to me.

I sat in the corner of the Coffee house alone, scrolling through my phone to preoccupy myself from the most boring time of my life. It was amusing, however, to hear Katie's ditsy-self attempting to sound professional. I knew that not all models were stupid, but Katie certainly fit the stereotype. If it wasn't for her publicist then she definitely wouldn't have even been able to attempt to answer those questions. Half the time when she speaks they aren't even her own words. It sad really when you come to think of it that she isn't really her own person, she is a puppet, but at least in this case it was for a good cause.

They had supplied me with free lattes and allowed me to charge my phone which was certainly perks in this all. I didn't get to charge my phone this morning, thanks to Katie. I wasn't too fussed, there was no one to contact. It is crazy how in this world, where I am surrounded by people and everyone knows my name, I have never felt more alone. I had friends, but none of which were as close as the relationships I had with Spencer, Emily, and Hanna. In this industry it's hard to have real friends. I wasn't famous, so I didn't have to worry as much, but people were always so secretive no matter how much they seemingly trusted you. I also had to watch every word I said in case I accidentally slipped up and landed Katie in some trouble. Other than that, it wasn't so bad. Anything was better than Rosewood.

"Can I have an interview with the best friend?" a male voice questioned as he stood in front of me.

I didn't even bother to look up at him; I was too preoccupied with my Instagram feed. It was probably just another guy trying to flirt with me or someone trying to get the dirt on Katie's love life. Did they think I was stupid enough to go and blab my mouth to any stranger about my friend's private life? I wasn't in the mood for this, no matter how much coffee I had consumed, I still had a migraine and stomach cramps. The only way I could get rid of those was by getting high or drunk. The only real cure for a hangover is alcohol.

"Nope." I bluntly replied as I continued to scan my phone through my shades and sipped my latte.

"How about a catch up with an old friend?" The man asked again, this time his voice rang familiar to me. Too familiar.

I furrowed my brows in the direction of my phone as I remained frozen. I knew that voice anywhere, but it couldn't be him. I felt as if tears were about to burst through my eyes as a lump formed in my throat. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to look up at him and confirm my suspicions because, as much as I missed him, I didn't want to see him. I couldn't. My life was a complete mess and I couldn't have him seeing me like this. I guess he didn't know the ins and outs of my new life style, but he knew who I was associated with and if he had seen the papers then he knew enough about them to make assumptions about me.

I mentally prepared myself before I looked up to meet those all too familiar dark blue eyes that made butterflies fill my stomach. I couldn't believe my eyes, I had dreamt about seeing him again, I just never thought it would be like this. What could I even say? In fact, I couldn't say anything. I was completely dumbfounded by his presence. Finally, as the silence seemed to prolong, I spoke.

"Ezra?" I breathed out.

"Yeah." He fervently nodded with that boyish smile that had stolen my heart the first day I met him in that bar.

"What are you doing here? Are you interviewing Katie as well?" I asked, my voice quivering with my evident nerves.

"No, I came here for you. I-I had been wanting to get in contact with you for years, then I was told that our magazine would be interviewing Katie Pollard and I was doing some research for the article on her Instagram when I saw you there. It was just my luck that you came here today." He explained with his voice full of excitement. I didn't understand why he was so happy to see me when he was so content on leaving me all those years ago. My lips curved into a shy smile, not wanting to be rude. I still was at a loss for words. "I can't believe you are here."

"Yeah, well don't get so use to it. I am leaving soon." I replied in the same blunt manner as before as I returned to sipping on my latte. He gave me a look of concern, not budging as I diverted my attention back to my phone causing me to groan at his inability to take a hint. "You can't just turn up out of the blue and expect me to forgive you for abandoning me."

"Look, I can explain." He began saying before Katie strutted towards us, saving me from his pathetic excuses that could never make up for the way he left me.

"Who's this?" Katie innocently chirped as she eyed Ezra with approval before winking at me eliciting me to groan.

"No one. Are you ready?" I heatedly asked as I avoided Ezra's shocked gaze on me.

"Yeah, let's go." She warily said, giving another glance at Ezra who didn't remove his eyes from me.

We began driving back to our apartment, my hand gripped tight around the wheel as I swerved through traffic. I was furious to say the least. I don't know how he could just do that. How could he expect to waltz back into my life and for everything to be all happy? How could he think everything would be okay between us? Did he realise how much he hurt me? I hated him. I fucking hated him… but I loved him. I loved him so much.

"Are you okay?" Katie asked. I could tell she had been biting her tongue the entire car journey, but once I had pulled over she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Yeah." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"Who was that?"

"I-it was Ezra." I hesitantly confessed.

The words felt as if they were falling from my mouth without me processing them myself. That was actually Ezra Fitz, the man I had thought about every second since he had left. The man who had broken my heart. The love of my life. I was so filled with anger that my mind didn't really process everything until that moment. All the things I thought I would say when I saw him again, some full of love and some full of loathing, yet all I did was leave. I guess that didn't make me any better than him.

"No way." She murmured as she was taken over by the same shock I was. "He was a lot hotter than I thought he'd be."

"Really? Now is not the time, Kate." I cautioned before burying my face into my hands.

"Sorry." She sheepishly replied. "Come on, cutie. Let's go inside and eat some ice cream and watch old movies."

"I can't. I need to go for a drive to clear my head." I explained as I looked back up to Katie with a determined look on my face. I needed to get him out of my head and I planned on doing it the only way I knew how.

"Aria, I don't think that's safe." She shook her head with a worried expression that for some reason pissed me off.

"I'll be fine." I spat. I noticed how she flinched at my words and instantly felt guilty. "I'm sorry, Kate. I just need to be left alone for a while." She nodded in understanding before leaving the car and disappearing into our apartment building.

It was only 3 o'clock. I didn't know where I planned to go, but I couldn't just sit around without doing something to take my mind off of him. Katie was against drug abuse, she took coke, but only to party and it actually helped her lose weight. It's crazy what she did to remain slim. I did it for other reasons. I did it to escape from my reality, my flowery hell. I was living the dream, but to me it felt like a nightmare. This is not where I planned to be at 24 years of age, but here I am. I expected to be married to him, working as a journalist or a photographer, but instead I am partying almost every night and doing things I would have never done in my wildest dreams.

I drove around for an hour to clear my head before I headed to Monika's apartment. She was another one of Christian's (the head of our fashion company and the person who recruited me) models. We had become close, not as close as I was to Katie, but we were close. She was the most corrupt out of all the models. She didn't care about what the media thought, if anything she basked in the negative public attention. Any attention for her was good attention.

I made my way to her apartment door, I could hear the music blaring from inside. I guess there was never a bad time to party for Monika. I knocked on the door, shocked that she had opened it in seconds with how loud the music had been. The door swung open and I was hit with a cloud of smoke as I entered the room. Monika was apparently as high as a kite and stunk of weed, but once again she didn't care.

"My little Aria." she cooed as she pinched my cheek. I liked Monika, but she certainly had a way of condescending people. "Coming to The Vibe Club tonight or are you on duty?"

"I am coming, but I kind of need something to get by until then." I awkwardly explained as I took a seat beside her on her couch.

"Is Aria getting addicted or are you just desperate to be numb for a while?" Monika asked with a hint of mocking in her tone.

"Like I said, I just need something to get by." I sighed, not in the mood for her mind games.

"You got a fifty?" She asked as she jumped up from the couch and waltzed into her room. She came back moments later holding a small plastic bag with white powder in it. I nodded and handed her the fifty. "Watch yourself Aria, there's a thin white line between using and abusing."

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 **I have already written around 5 chapters of this FanFic, but I am not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. I will try to update as soon as possible. I have many more ideas for stories that I have been thinking about writing, it seems while Ezra and Aria are apart in the series I tend to write more. I guess it's my way of trying to salvage their relationship. Anyway, thank you for reading.**

 **\- Tasha x**


	2. The Party Girl

Chapter 2

The Party Girl

It was 9 o'clock, I had been home an hour and Katie was yet to talk to me. She was getting ready for the night and had hardly spared a glance in my direction. I knew she was mad, I guess she had every right to be. I knew how to handle myself though. I wasn't an addict. It's not like I needed it to get through a whole day. I went days without it and felt fine. I just needed it then, I just wished she would understand that. Katie hadn't experience the type of heart break I had. She didn't quite understand how he had basically destroyed me.

I got ready for the night; my buzz had already worn off. The come down was worse than I had hoped. I had cried in my car for almost 2 hours before I returned home. I was getting ready in my room when I heard the door slam shut. I called out her name, but there was no avail because she had left. I needed her now most and she was shutting me out. It was my own fault. No one understood what I was going through. I felt as if he had taken my heart from my chest and stomped on it.

I was ready and decided to leave. I knew I would end up going to The Vibe Club where Katie had most likely gone. After a few drinks I would buck up enough courage to apologise and if she was as drunk then she was likely to forgive me. It didn't matter if we didn't because the next morning she would go on as if nothing had happened. She was as resilient as a child. As much as her immaturity could sometimes be a burden, I wouldn't have her any other way.

I arrived at the club at 10 o'clock and the queue seemed on going. I cursed myself for not turning up with Kate since it was unlikely that they would let me into VIP without her. Just as I was about to give up and go home, a Rolls Royce pulled up at the side of the club and out stepped Monika in all her glory. Thankfully, she had noticed me stranded like a lost puppy and called me to join her. We walked in like we were royalty as cameras flashed us and teens called out her name. I was used to it, but the experience was once so surreal to me.

The club was booming and was packed with people. VIP contained the usual celebs that I associated myself with, but at that moment I was feeling too guilty to even be near Katie as she engaged in conversation with the other girls. Monika noticed me wandering to the normal part of the club and tugged my arm.

"Where are you going?" She asked with a devilish look on her face. I knew what she had planned.

Just as I had expected she began leading me into the bathroom. She pulled me into a stall and locked the door. Without saying a word she pulled out a bag of white powder and placed some on her hand before lifting it to her nose and snorting it in one swift motion. Monika was much more adjusted to the whole cocaine thing. I hadn't been doing it long, yet I had strange admiration towards Monika's professional drug taking skills and thought I would copy. She placed some on the back of my hand and I copied her actions. The horrible taste in the back of my throat was definitely something I wouldn't get used to. I needed a drink.

"I am going to the bar." I said as I unlocked the bathroom and left with her on my arm.

"Honey, you know you don't need to go to the bar. There's too much riff raff over there." She gave a sinister chuckle as she led me out of the bathroom and suddenly I was hit by the deafeningly loud music.

In minutes I had begun to feel the effect. Before I knew it, I was on top of the world as I began downing every drink that was pushed my way. Like every time, I was numb to everything except the thrill. My heart was racing, my blood was pumping, and I was on top of the world as I danced around the club without a care. I could see in the corner of my eye as Katie watched on while Monika and I danced around with a look of disgust before she left the club. I didn't care. I was having the time of my life.

Then, I crashed. I sat alone on the couch in the VIP. I had no idea where any of the girls had disappeared to, but all I knew is I was alone and I couldn't see any familiar faces to comfort me on my come down. My head was thumping from the blaring music and I felt as if I was going to pass out. I was sat alone for a while longer when I felt the presence of someone sat beside me. I turned to look and saw those recognisable blue eyes once again. I was more surprised than I was the first time I had seen him earlier this evening. I shook my head slightly and looked back to him to make sure he was still there and my brain wasn't just playing tricks on me. He just continued to stare at me with a look of concern and disappointment, one I was used to getting from my parents.

"Are you stalking me? I got to tell you, you were a lot better at that in Rosewood." I slurred before laughing at my own joke that he didn't find one bit amusing.

"Are you drunk?" He angrily questioned.

"It's a club, Ezra, loosen up." I giggled. When I found myself lost in his eyes again before my eyes began roaming his entire face. "You're so beautiful." I drunkenly smiled as I stroked his face.

His face softened on mine and without a second thought, or without any thought at all, I attached my lips to his. I could tell he was shocked by action at first before he began kissing me back. His kiss was so magical, I remembered it so well. It was as if we had never been apart when his lips caressed mine. I then moved closer to him, straddling his lap as I deepened the kiss which he willingly participated in as our tongues fought against each other. I then pulled away, grazing my teeth against his lips gaining a slight whimper from him that made me giggle before I continued to kissing him again.

"Aria, stop." He advised as he gently pushed me from him. "You're bleeding!"

I slowly brought my hand up to my nose and felt as the blood leaked from it. I looked down at my bloody fingers before I returned my attention to him with a look of fear in my eyes. That's when everything became blurry. I could see his mouth moving, but the only sound I could hear was the buzzing from the music. Then it went dark.

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Ezra POV:

"Aria? Aria?" I called as she lay passed out in my lap.

What was going on? I knew for sure that Aria was not just drunk. This wasn't the Aria I knew, but I couldn't dwell on that, I had to make sure she was okay. I cradled her in my arms and carried her out of the club. Thankfully, the streets were empty and I was sober as a judge. I gently placed her into the passenger seat of my car and checked her pulse. Her pulse was racing. I had no experience in drugs, but I knew I couldn't take her to the hospital. The consequences of that would be far too vast. I was at war with myself.

"Aria, can you hear me?" I called to her, but there was still no response. "Fuck." I screamed as I ran my hands through my hair.

I buckled the seatbelt over her unconscious body before I closed the door and jumped into the driver's side. I took a few deep breaths and drove her the only place I could think to go; my apartment.

I had seen this on Pulp fiction, but there was no way I could help her in that way. I had nothing to revive her if she dies. Holy fuck, she can't die. I will not let her die. Maybe I was over thinking it. Maybe it wasn't the drugs that had done this. Maybe it was just the alcohol. God, I hope it's just the alcohol.

I had reached my apartment and frantically exited the car as I ran round to the passenger seat and carried her out. I brought her into my apartment and laid her down on the couch. I knelt beside her head and began lightly tapping her face in the hope of coaxing her awake. Then, as I was about to give up and have a mental break down, her eyes began opening.

"Aria." I let out in a breath of relief as I stroked her cheek.

A small, feeble smile grew on her beautiful lips as she looked up at me with the same adoring gaze I used to wake up to every Saturday and Sunday morning. How did she still manage to look so beautiful in this state? I continued to stroke her cheek before I leant down and kissed her forehead, never wanting to pull away. I thought that I had lost her. I thought I had lost her before I even had the chance to say I was sorry or explain myself. I thought she was going to die hating me.

"Let me get you a drink." I got up and grabbed a bottle of water from my refrigerator before handing it to her and returning to my initial position on the floor beside her head. "How are you feeling?"

She sat up slight before sipping the cold water, "Okay. A bit dizzy." She solemnly replied.

"I guess that's normal." I nodded as I stroked her hair. "Aria, did you consume anything other than alcohol tonight?"

For a minute I hoped she would say no. I hoped she had an excuse for her nose bleed like accidentally scratching the inside or something, anything other than the latter which is that she was snorting cocaine. I knew I was deluding myself if I thought it was anything other than that, but that just wasn't Aria. She was so against all of that. It just didn't make sense to me.

I noticed how she stalled a bit, looking sheepishly at her fingernails. Her look gave me all the answers I needed, but I wanted to hear her say it. I needed her to admit it for me to actually believe it because my heart was at war with my mind. The girl I loved would never do such a thing, but it was the only logical explanation for such a spontaneous nosebleed considering the circumstances.

"I took drugs." She coyly confessed.

I know, it was pretty obvious but hearing those word escape her lips had me frozen in disbelief. I thought back to that innocent girl I had fallen in love with and looked back at the girl beside me and to me it just didn't add up. It was like someone had taken over Aria's body. Everything looked the same, but her mentality was different. I couldn't help but feel as if maybe I was to blame for all of this.

"Sorry, I just need a minute to process." I said as I stood up from the floor and sat on the arm chair opposite the couch she laid on. Then, all sorrow left me as I was filled with anger. "Why would you do something so reckless? How long has this been going on for? Was this the first time? Please tell me this was the first time." I spat, causing her to jolt slightly at my sudden rage.

"You have lost the right to ask me those questions." She rebuked as tears began streaming from her eyes.

"Aria, I am your friend. I am trying to look out for you."

She scoffed and shook her head at me in disbelief. "You are not a friend, you are nothing."

I felt as if my heart had just imploded in my chest as her words reeled in my head. I had deserved it, I guess; then again she didn't know the entire story. It wasn't the right time to tell her. I was too pissed off to explain everything to her. Instead I sat in complete silence as I watched her cry into her hands.

"Take me home." She finally said with a sniffle.

"It's 3 o'clock in the morning. You can sleep in the guest room." I dismissed as I stood up from the couch.

"No, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I don't even want to be in the same room as you. Just take me home so we can go about our lives without causing anymore inconvenience for each other." She screamed as she stood up from the couch and began heading towards the door when suddenly she lost all balance and fell to the floor.

"Yeah, you're not going home." I said with finality as I made my way beside her and aided her to the couch.

"I hate you so much." she muttered.

If words could kill consider me dead. I had a feeling that she hated me, I mean who wouldn't, but I just hoped she didn't. You know what they say, hope breeds eternal misery. I was exactly that, miserable. I was miserable without her in my life and, after I thought I might have lost her forever tonight, I wasn't going to allow her to go around hating me for much longer. I was persistent in winning her back. I loved her, I never stopped loving her.

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 **I would like to say that I will be updating 'Maybe It's Not Meant To Be' soon, I have just been very busy lately and have been experiencing some really bad writer's block, for that I am sorry. Thank you your reviews, they mean so much. I have decided to continue writing this story, I hope you enjoy it. Thank you all again.**

 **\- Tasha x**


	3. Reality Check

Chapter 3

Reality Check

I woke up the next morning with a headache like I had never experience before. Suddenly, everything came flooding back to me and I was overwhelmed to say the least. How did I allow myself to end up here in this bed? God, I was such a mess. I just hoped he wasn't awake so I could sneak out without another interrogation about my bad habit.

I snuck out of the room and carefully opened the door to the room I had rightly assumed was his bedroom. I looked over to his sleeping state and was overcome with nostalgia as I analysed his curly hair and his light snores that would always coax me into a peaceful sleep in his protecting arms. I missed it so much, but I couldn't let it get to me. I was stronger than this. I gently closed the door behind me as I entered the room and crept over to his desk where I retrieved a piece of paper and a pen.

 _'_ _Ezra,_

 _Thank you for your hospitality, but please give up on me. I am a lost cause and I think last night proves that. Goodbye._

 _-Aria'_

I placed the note on his bedside table and snuck out of the bedroom, giving him one last glance before I left completely. Now I had to find a way home and the only possible way I could do that is by calling Katie. I didn't want to do this after not talking since the other day, but I needed her. I needed her to be there for me when I felt as if I was at my weakest point in my life. I needed her to help me out of this wreck I was in. It's crazy how it so normal in the evening and in the morning it all seems so insane. I pulled out my phone and dialled her number.

"Hey, I am sorry." I hurriedly spoke as soon as I heard her pick up.

"I'm sorry for leaving you last night." She said soon after me.

"I love you." We both said in unison before letting out a light laugh.

"Did Ezra find you at the club last night?" she asked. I wasn't sure how she knew he was there, but I wasn't ready to question it. It was too early to get into a deep conversation when my brain can hardly handle the light conversation we were currently having.

"Yeah, that's another reason why I called." I sighed. "I passed out last night and he took me to his apartment to take care of me."

"Are you okay?" She concernedly questioned.

"Yeah, I just need a small favour. Can you pick me up from Ezra's apartment?"

"Sure, text me his address."

"Thank you so much." and with that I ended the call and texted the address.

I sat on the side walk for 10 minutes waiting for her when her black BMW pulled up beside me. I couldn't oppress the smile that grew on my face at the sight of her. I jumped up and hurried into the passenger seat, feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders at the mere comfort of the leather seats. She gave me a smile before we began driving back to our apartment.

"So, what happened between you two?" She nonchalantly asked as she focused on the road in front of her. Although she attempted to seem like she was just making small talk, I knew she was eager to hear answers.

"Nothing. We just argued and then I fell asleep and he carried me to his guest room. I left this morning before he woke up." I explained, feeling slightly guilty for leaving in such a manner since if it wasn't for him I could have been dead. I know, I was dramatic, but it felt that way. I was grateful that he was there for me, but I didn't need him. Who am I kidding? I needed him so much.

She just nodded and continued to stare out at the traffic that swarmed the New York City streets, but I could see a hint of something in her look. I had a feeling there was more to the story than him coincidentally turning up at the Club I had been left. I eyed her suspiciously as she innocently tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, along to whatever new, generic pop song was playing throughout the car.

"How did you know he was there?" I finally asked.

She let out a huff before turning her head to face me with a pleading expression, it was as if she was ready to burst and my question had made her explode. I wasn't interrogating her, if anything I was just curious, but her manner made it seem as if I had caught her with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Okay. I called him. I had left the party and I was pissed at you. So, I thought if I called him and he would turn up and maybe he would see you in the state you were in and help you open up your eyes." She spoke in one breath, breathing in as she finished. I couldn't believe it. She knew how I felt about him and yet she went behind my back and called him. She knew what he had put me through. Why would she do that? I knew she was pissed, but that was a new low.

"Talk about kick me when I am down." I maliciously spat. "I can't believe you would do that, after all the thing I told you he did to me, the way he made me feel. I'm out of here." before she could plead for forgiveness, I had left the car and began walking God knows where.

It felt as if everything was falling apart. Why did he have to come back here and make it all worse? It wasn't great without him, but it was much better than this. There were nights when I stayed up until unholy hours of the morning thinking about him, but that was before and now it was too late. It had been 6 years since he had left. Did he expect me to just run into his arms as soon as I saw him? Admittedly, when my hazel eyes met his blue ones in that coffee shop yesterday, I had forgotten about everything he had put me through. In that moment all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and never let him go, then I remembered all those nights I cried myself to sleep, I remembered the reason I had first started using for reasons other than for fun. I remembered how he broke me.

"You just can't get enough of me, can you?" Monika sniggered as she allowed me into her apartment.

"It feels like all roads lead here now." I replied with ruefulness lacing my words.

"I haven't got any left, if that's what you came here for." She said matter-of-factly as she returned to her couch and began playing her Xbox with intense concentration.

"Not really. I just came here to chill, that's what friends do, right?" I coyly said, hoping I wasn't pushing the boundaries of our friendship.

I wasn't even sure if she classed me as a friend, I wasn't sure she classed anyone as a friend, but I had no one else to turn to. I liked that Monika didn't ask questions. She didn't ask because frankly she didn't care. I didn't want her to care about me; I just wanted to forget about everything for a while. I wanted to relax and not worry about being pestered for a favour or nagged about my bad habit.

I sat down on the couch beside her and watched as she played GTA with impeccable skill, it was clear she had a lot of practice playing this game. I was strangely in awe of her. Computer games never really interested me nor did they impress me. I had spent many Friday nights babysitting Mike, when I was younger, watching him play video games. It had bored me. Yet, as I sat here I loved how carefree Monika was. It was as if I wasn't even in the room. She had forgotten everything and was just focused on playing her game.

"Want some?" she asked as she handed me a blunt.

"Thanks." I said as I began smoking the substance.

Weed wasn't really my thing. I didn't like smoking, it just never appealed to me. However, weed had something that cocaine lacked. Weed helped you relax whereas cocaine made you hyped. At this moment in time, I just wanted to relax.

I returned home at 9 pm feeling as if I didn't have a care in the world, I had smoked a lot of weed and I hadn't felt so at ease in a long time. All that had changed when I walked into my apartment and saw Ezra sitting on my couch with a cup of coffee in hand. His eyes shot up to mine and a look of liberation formed on his face. I couldn't escape this man. He didn't say a word then Katie padded back into the living room with a look on her face of a guilty puppy who had just chewed a pair of my Louboutins.

"Have you been smoking weed?" She interrogated as her remorseful face became angry in a matter of seconds. I didn't reply. "You've been at Monika's apartment, haven't you?" I nodded, shamefacedly.

"Aria, stop hanging around with her. She's not good for you." Katie argued, for a minute I had forgotten that Ezra was still in the room.

She had the nerve to call me out when once again she had involved Ezra into all this when I clearly didn't want to see him. What didn't she get? Then again, she wasn't wrong. Ever since I had become closer to Monika I had been doing thing the old me wouldn't have done. It was not Monika's fault. If I didn't want to do it then I didn't have to, but I wanted to. I wanted to so I could escape him, yet here he was again sitting on my couch, in my apartment.

"I'm going to bed." I announced, ignoring her as she continued to rant on about god knows what. I slammed the door behind me and suddenly it fell silent. Thank God.

Not 5 minutes had passed when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I thought that maybe, if I ignored it, it would go away. I was wrong. Instead, the door slowly opened and entered an awkward Ezra. He was the last person I wanted to see when my buzz was wearing off. I rolled over to face him and saw as he shuffled uncomfortably in the door way, evidently at a loss for words.

"Aria, I am worried about you." he softly spoke as he edged closer to me. "You can't keep going on like this." He opened his mouth to continue, however I interjected before he could utter a single syllable.

"I know." I breathed out.

His mouth remained open as he watched me in complete disbelief. "You know?"

I merely nodded in response. I knew it was getting out of control, but I couldn't help it. It was as if I was at war with myself. It was Old Aria vs New Aria. I thought about who I was after I had bumped into Ezra and remembered who I used to be. I thought about the disappointment young Aria would feel about me now. I had disappointed a lot of people in my life, but not until now had I disappointed myself so greatly. Change, however, was easier said than done.

As my head became swarmed by my nostalgic thoughts, I was overcome with sadness. I wished so deeply that I could go back in time and just live in that moment. Sure, I had been through a lot during my time in Rosewood, but at least I stuck to who I was. I firmly closed my eyes to oppress the tears that threatened to fall and bit down on my bottom lip to muffle the sob that rose in my throat. Soon, I could hold off no longer and broke out into a sob that rocked my entire body. I brought my knees up to my chest and continued to cry as if Ezra wasn't there.

Then, I felt as the bed moved slightly under his weight and felt as his hand began to rub soothing circles on my back, like he did before. I sniffled slightly before turning to face him, he looked down at me with a sympathetic smile and I knew my heart still belonged to him. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck and cuddled into his chest. He was reluctant at first before I felt his arms reciprocate and wrap around my waist, pulling me close enough to him that I sat in his lap as he oscillated me. I closed my eyes and allowed comfort to take over.

"I won't ever give up on you." He whispered to me though his voice was filled with determination as he pressed a kiss on top of my head.

"Thank you." my voice croaked as I hiccupped slightly from the cries.

My eyes fluttered open to my ordinary room, but something felt different this time, not only was it dark, but I also realised that I wasn't alone. I laid still for a moment as I revelled in the feeling of his arm draped over my hip, his hand absently stroking the skin of my stomach. I heard a muffled laugh reverberate from behind me and smiled to myself. The memorable position we were in made butterflies to erupt in my stomach. I never wanted to move. I wanted to stay here and forget about everything, just him and me forever.

I slid myself out from his hold managing not to wake him. I took a deep satisfied breath as I admired the picture in front of me. I didn't know how he managed to sleep wearing a shirt and dress pants, but I doubted anything would get in the way of Ezra and his slumber. I then got a whiff of a strong smell that seemed to linger on my clothes. Well, Katie was right, I definitely needed to change. I discarded every inch of my clothing and glanced over my shoulder to ensure Ezra was still sleeping soundly, the light giggle that escaped his parted lips settled my thoughts. I then slipped into a fresh pair of panties and pulled a t-shirt over my head before I crept out into the kitchen.

It was pitch black darkness, I was used to sneaking in to my apartment after lights out so I managed not to bump into anything as I maneuverer my way around the house. I slowly opened the creaking cupboard and pulled out a two acetaminophens for my headache which I swallowed with water which also managed to rid my very dry throat.

I returned to my bedroom and carefully crawled back into bed beside Ezra. I settled my head into my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping to be taken over by a peaceful sleep, but some reason there was an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach and the chances of me falling back to sleep felt unlikely. I sighed in defeat as, after an hour, I still hadn't succumbed to sleep. I checked my phone and it was 5 o'clock. I was usually returning home at this time, not waking up. It was insane.

I knew I couldn't lay there staring at those four walls, so I once again snuck out of bed and into the kitchen where I fixed myself up some salt popcorn. Well, the munchies were certainly also an aftermath affect to smoking pot. I grabbed the bowl and made my way to the living where I began watching an all-time favourite, 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' I had been watching the movie for a while when I heard rustling around in my room, I paused the movie and listening intently to the sound ascending from my bedroom. Then a tired looking Ezra ambled round the corner with a drowsy smile, looking as cute as always.

"What time is it?" he asked as he scratched his head.

"5:45." I replied with a cheery smile as I shovelled a handful of popcorn into my mouth.

"Are you hi-" he began asking, eyeing me doubtfully.

"No." I quickly interrupted. "I just can't sleep." I shrugged.

"What you watching?" I was thankful he dropped the topic straight away; I could tell he believed me.

"Breakfast at Tiffany's." I nonchalantly replied, my eyes not straying from the screen as he took a seat beside me. "Popcorn?"

"Thanks." He replied as he grabbed a handful and shovelled it into his mouth. "I never pegged you as a Breakfast at Tiffany's type of girl."

"Every teenage girl loves this film." I light-heartedly scoffed.

"You aren't a teenager anymore, Aria."

"I'm not a lot of things anymore." I said ruefully. I noticed as his eyes diverted to me with sorrow and guilt, but I didn't want to be pitied. I just wanted to enjoy our time together, like we used to.

I loved this; it was so familiar, so comfortable. It was almost as if he never left…. It's crazy how easy it is to forget. It's easy to do it because I wanted so desperately to. I wanted to pretend he didn't leave me and that this isn't my life, but it is. I wished things were different but they weren't.

I soon felt as my eyelids grew heavy and the film hadn't even ended yet. I tried my hardest to fight it, though soon my eyes drifted closed and I was taken over by sleep.


	4. An Intervention

Chapter 4

An Intervention with a side of Jealousy

I could hear the sound of intense discussion coming from the kitchen which stirred me out of my sleep. I couldn't quite work out what was being said at first, but I knew the conversation seemed to be between Ezra and Katie. I furrowed my brows as I tried to listen more intently when I began catching on to a few words that concerned me. I quietly stood up from the couch and tip-toed into the kitchen, wanting not to startle them out of their intriguing conversation.

"Aria!" Katie exclaimed, more as a warning to Ezra, who had his back facing me, than a greeting. "Breakfast? I have bacon."

"What's going on here?" I cautiously asked as I eyed the pair questionably.

"We will discuss this after breakfast." Katie chirped, trying to maintain her usual cheery exterior though I knew something was going on. She was a great model, but a terrible actress. "Sausages?" Katie offered.

"Since when do you eat meat?" Ezra questioned, bemused by Katie's choice of food offering.

Since you abandoned me and I lost all willpower and care.

"I developed a protein deficiency and I kind of didn't have a choice." I lied. I was such a good liar that it sometimes shocked myself, I was a lot better liar than little miss ditsy over there.

"Wow. Vegetarian Aria, that's something I am disappointed I didn't get to see." Katie giggled as she dished up breakfast.

"Vegan." Ezra corrected, never taking his eyes from me. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable under his stare and took a seat at the dining table to distract myself.

The meal was served and it was awkward to say the least. I felt like I was being kept from some huge secret as they constantly exchanged glances whilst eating. It was weird and uncomfortable; I couldn't bite my tongue any longer. I was determined to know what was going on.

"Are you two fucking?" I abruptly questioned, finding it hard to hide the obvious aggression that laced my words.

"Aria!" Katie shouted as Ezra almost chocked on his OJ mid sip. "Of course we aren't."

"Then what is going on here?" I seethed as I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "I am not a fan of being kept in the dark, especially when this secret is being kept between my ex-boyfriend and best friend."

"Fine, Ezra and I have been discussing your current situation and we were wondering if maybe… maybe you would want to live with him for the time being." Katie hesitantly explained whilst Ezra remained silent as he shuffled the food around on his plate.

"I think I would rather you two fucking." I muttered under my breath, not realising that I had been heard loud and clear as the table remained silent.

Ezra's head shot up at my words and gave me a look of sheer hurt, making me regret my words so very much. I didn't mean it, but what the fuck? Why was living with Ezra any better than living here? Was he going to keep me on 24-hour surveillance like he used to because I would preferred it if he didn't. I mean, I am a woman. I am a woman with the capability of looking out for herself without the help of my ex-boyfriend who I was still pissed at for leaving me stranded.

"Aria, you need this. Ezra would be able to work from home for a while and he could be there to support you in ways I can't. I still have to work even though I would much rather look out for you." Katie solemnly explained as she placed a hand atop of mine like a consoling parent. What was happening? When did I go from carer to being cared for in my relationship with Katie?

"I have to work too. I can't just quit my job because of one bad high." I argued as I ran my shaky hands through my hair. This was all too much, I felt like the tiny ounce of life I had left was being pulled from underneath me. My job was basically all I had at this moment in time.

"We're not asking you to do that." Ezra finally contributed. "Katie had already called in sick for you today and you can call in tomorrow. You'll be working the rest of the time you'll be staying with me."

I let out a huff as I pushed my plate away, no longer hungry. They had a point. I was wrong if I thought I could do this alone, but why him? I didn't need a constant reminder of what I had lost every morning I woke up. He was the reason for my using and I was going to have to face him every day, I wasn't sure if I saw the logic. Maybe if I faced it with him then I wouldn't be tempted every time we bumped into each other which happened more often than not lately.

"If you are really tenacious in not wanting to stay with me then there is always rehab." Ezra spoke up as the silence grew due to my drifting into thought.

That sentence was enough for me to come up with a verdict. Rehab? No, thank you.

"Okay. Fine. You win." I surged before leaning back against the chair in defeat.

"Don't flatter yourself. Having to live with you isn't a reward, if anything it's a punishment." He rebuked gaining a look of incredulity from both me and Katie. Ezra losing his temper, this was rare. I liked it.

"It seems I hit a nerve." I smirked. "I'll show you punishment, Fitz." I gave a sinister chuckle before disappearing to my bedroom to pack my things.

I entered his apartment and allowed my eyes scan the living room, finally being able to actually take it in. It wasn't set out like his apartment in Rosewood and the thought of never seeing it again certain left an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, but it was still Ezra. The living room still contained the same feel to it; it was cosy and slightly unorganised. Books were scattered in places other than the book case because only a library would be able to hold the amount of books Ezra owned. The walls however seemed bare. There were no artsy, noir film posters, but they were painted the same navy colour that was evidently his favourite. The living room was more spacious, but I guess being a journalist for a big time magazine meant he could afford it. It was lovely, but it just wasn't home.

"You like it?" Ezra asked as he entered the apartment a minute later, carrying my suitcases for me.

"It's nice, but it's no apartment 3B." I smiled as I turned to face a breathless Ezra who chuckled in response.

"You're right. It's not a box." He joked as he grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. The kitchen was still open planned which was a nice familiarity.

"Don't." I playfully warned to which he held his hands up in defence.

"If I remember correctly, you were the one eager to get out of that place." He teased eliciting me to roll my eyes as I sat myself on the leather couch.

"I was eager to do a lot of things back then. If only I knew then what I know now." I responded, I attempted to remain light-hearted but I couldn't seem to prevent the sorrow seeping through my words. "Anyway, what's for dinner?"

"Um… take out?" He suggested as he scanned his empty fridge.

"Some things never change." I giggled and now it was Ezra's turn to roll his eyes. "Still have that lime?"

"No, that guy had to go. The bastard had the nerve to refuse to pay rent." He bantered as he threw his fatigued body against the couch beside me and we both shared a laugh. "So, as much as I am enjoying this. It's time for serious talk." I groaned and he playfully shook his head at me. "We have to go over some ground rules."

"Ground rules?"

"Yeah. If this is going to work we are going to need to have boundaries and you need some discipline. So, that means no boys, no drugs, and you can't be waltzing home whenever you please. You have three chances. Three strikes and you're out, Aria and by out I mean rehab." He instructed in his teachery voice that I didn't miss one bit. I knew when I heard that voice that Ezra was being guarded and I hated it; it brought back too many bad memories.

"I feel like I am living with my parents again." I joked to ease the seriousness, but Ezra just gave me a stern look. "Fine, on one condition." His expression then turned questioning, encouraging me to continue. "No girls." I was not pleased when he let out a laugh at my proposition causing me to scowl at him.

"Aria, I assure you that will not be a problem. You are the first female I have had here bar my mother, but I don't count her as female… she's more demon." He jested, but I didn't laugh, I was too surprised by this new found information. "Are you alright?"

"Sorry, I am just finding this hard to believe. You must be very well acquainted with your right hand, Mr Fitz." I laughed as I shook my head in disbelief.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." He sarcastically replied. "It's not like I had remained completely celibate since we called things off." He added, gaining another look of surprise.

I know, I had no right to be jealous, but I couldn't help it. I didn't like to think of Ezra sleeping with anyone else which was pretty hypocritical since I couldn't even count on two hands the amount of sexual partners I've had since I left Rosewood, but I couldn't help it. He had slept with girls before me, I am sure, yet the fact he had slept with people after me made me feel sick to my stomach. I wonder if they were prettier than me or better than me. It shouldn't matter, but for some reason it did.

"How many has there been since me?" I asked, trying my best to sound unfazed by this information.

"2." He shrugged.

It was a lot less than I, but it still had a way of getting to me. I was angry with him. It's not like I had any right to be, he didn't cheat on me. I just felt like he had. He didn't deserve to have sex with anyone because he left me, he should have just been miserable the entire time. I was allowed to because I earned the right since he left me. He had caught on to my sudden closed offish manner and let out a sigh.

"Aria, you can't be pissed about this. How many guys have you slept with other than me?" He challenged. I wasn't sure I could give him an answer, not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't have one. I had lost track of how many people I had slept with. He noticed as I searched my brain for an answer and his jaw dropped slightly. "Please don't tell me that you lost count." I looked at him sheepishly and shrugged. Now, it was his turn to become distant as he abruptly stood up from the couch and stormed over to the kitchen.

"Don't act like you are shocked." I called to him, but he didn't respond as his hands clenched on to the kitchen counter. "Ezra, come on." I moaned as I got up from the couch and began approaching him.

"Don't." He warned, holding up his hand to ensure I didn't get any closer to him. "I need to clear my head. I'll be in my room." He irately stated as he stormed away from me and retreated to his room.

Great. I had yet to have been here 30 minutes and we already had our first argument as roommates. I knew this was a bad idea.

* * *

 _Ezra POV_

I had been lying in my bed for 30 minutes reading 'Tender is the Night' whilst my brain constantly drifted somewhere else. I know, I had no right to be upset, but that didn't change the fact that I was. I wasn't only upset with her, I was upset with myself. I was upset that I had left and caused her to travel on this downward spiral. I was sad to think I was no longer her only. I liked to be the only man to have ever touched her porcelain skin or kissed her naked stomach. I liked being the only name she had ever called out when in ecstasy; I liked being the only person who could ever bring her that intense pleasure. I just couldn't expect to be that when I had left her. I had to leave and I had to remind myself that every day otherwise I would go crazy.

There was a knock on my bedroom door and the only possible person it could be was Aria. I wasn't ready to see her. I wasn't ready to talk. I just wanted to be left to think, and by that I mean left to mope. Even though I didn't reply, she didn't take the hint, or she did and ignored. I think the latter was more likely when it came to Aria. The door slowly opened and Aria's head appeared from the crack she had pushed open. She realised I was not asleep and her movements were no longer careful, if anything she made a point to make her presence known. I didn't even humour her by looking up; I remained stoic as I pretended to read my book.

"Are you still sulking?" She incredulously asked as she approached my bed. Why the girl couldn't leave me alone was beyond me. One minute she doesn't want to be near me and the next she doesn't want to be apart.

"No." I monotonously replied as my eyes continued to scan the words before me though I did not necessarily process them as my mind was preoccupied with the petite brunette that stood at the end of my bed.

She pulled a face that suggested she didn't believe me one bit. I didn't care if she believed me; I just wanted her to go away. Then, as it looked as if she was about to walk away, she jumped on to my bed and attacked me with her fingers as she began tickling all of my soft spots. I erupted into an instant fit of laughs and I tried my hardest to squirm out of her hold, but she didn't stop no matter how much I pleaded. After a minute of giggles and laughs, her fingers came to a halt and her hand rested on my cheek as she hovered above me. I then became lost in her big hazel eyes that had me mesmerized. No matter what she had been through in life, her eyes always seemed to remain bright and innocent. I loved that about her, that and many, many other things.

As if on impulse, I lifted my head so that my lips caressed hers. Instantly, I felt her kissing me back. Her kiss, like always, was sensational. It sent chills down my spine and was so addictive that I never wanted to stop kissing her. My hands naturally moved to her hips as I pulled her closer to me, our kiss becoming more heated as my tongue slid between her lips and entered her mouth. And then, she pulled away.

"We really shouldn't." she panted from our intense kiss. "It's only going to make things more complicated between us."

"You're right." I nodded in agreement.

She was right. What was I thinking? Maybe I got caught up in the familiarity of us because when I was with her it was like I never left. God, I wished I never left. I wished this was us, I wished we were an 'US.' I was supposed to be her support in all of this and this wasn't helping. I loved her though. I knew I loved her, but only in the moments when we kissed or laughed did I really feel that same connection. I thought she had changed so much that I would never see my Aria again, but she was still my Aria. She just lost herself from time to time.

She removed herself from my bed and strutted out of my room. I watched her leave before throwing my head against the pillow and running a hand over my face. I hope she didn't become distant with me because of this. That was the last thing I needed. I wanted to be with her again, but I knew it wasn't the right time. She was still fragile and she needed a friend not a lover to help her through this. So, that's exactly what I was going to be. I had done it before, with minor complications, I can do it again.

I soon followed Aria out into the living room where she sat reading one of my books. It was such a beautiful image that I couldn't help but stand and watch her doing so. I wondered if she still read as much as she used to, but I had a feeling she didn't. How she had time to read in her hectic life was beyond me. I loved how her brow creased when she got so engrossed in the story. I loved how she curled her bottom lip in concentration. I was happy to have her here, I was happy to have her back in my life. Happy wasn't even the word though I am not sure there was a word to describe how I felt.

"It's rude to stare." She teased as I smirk grew on her lips though her eyes remained on the pages before her.

"I'm sorry." I blushed as I had been caught out. "If it's any consolation, I wasn't staring, I was admiring." I flirted and now it was her time to blush.

"God, you are still such a charmer." She giggled as she finally met my eyes and for a moment I had forgotten how every time she looked at me I was almost rendered breathless. "Ezra, about earlier-." she began before I cut her off.

"Don't apologise. It was my fault." I protested as I took a seat beside her on the couch. "I just- I just always thought I'd be your only and I guess it hurts to know I am not." I ruefully confessed as I stared down at my lap, scared to see her reaction.

"You're the only person I have ever loved, if that means anything." She softly spoke as if her words were so fragile they could break at a high decibel.

"That means everything." I grinned as my eyes found hers once again.

I fought back the need to tell her I loved her. It wasn't the right time. I had told her a thousand times before, but now was different. I didn't know if she knew I still felt so deeply for her and I wasn't sure if she felt the same. I couldn't make myself so vulnerable to her without knowing I wouldn't get hurt by her response and thus ruin everything that we were working to rebuild. I meant it when I said I wasn't going to give up, but that didn't mean that she was ever going to give in.

* * *

 **I know a lot of you want to know why Ezra left and I promise you will, but now the main focus is Aria becoming clean. Thank you for reading and for you kind reviews, they are always much appreciated! :)**

 **-Tasha x**


	5. Permanent Love

Chapter 5

Permanent Love

It was Tuesday morning and I was in his apartment again. I had no reason to be awake this early because I had called in sick last night. It was the last time I was ever doing that; I couldn't afford to lose my job over something so stupid. I contemplated whether I should just stay in bed all day, wallow in self-pity, yet I was too restless and irritable to just lay there doing nothing. I didn't want to talk to anyone though. I didn't understand why since last night ended pretty well. We watched a movie and ate Chinese before both going to our respective beds. I was just having a bad day. I want entitled to one now and again.

I crawled out from my bed and left my room. The apartment sounded empty. I figured that either Ezra was sleeping or had gone out quickly. It was strange how I was telling myself these things, yet I didn't believe them. I got a sudden rush of panic as I thought that maybe he had left again, maybe he had realised I am more trouble than it was worth. I started to heave as I stood still as a statue and allowed my irrational thoughts to take over. I then sprang for the his bedroom door and burst it open. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Ezra sitting at his desk. He spun around in shock of my sudden actions.

"Sorry." I breathed out in relief.

"Are you okay?" He anxiously asked as his eyes grew wide on me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I waved a dismissive hand. "I'm going to have a shower." I awkwardly stated before I closed the door behind me and headed for the bathroom.

Well, my abandonment issues needed work.

I left the shower, dancing along to the song that I was playing in my earphone. I entered my room and changed into a matching pair of lace undies before I ambled to the kitchen, still singing along to the song. I opened the refrigerator in search for a snack, no surprise that the only thing that resided there was a six pack of beers and butter. I shook my head and laughed at the bare fridge before grabbing a can of beer and turning to face the living room when I almost jumped out of my skin of Ezra standing before me with his arms crossed against his chest and a stern look on his face.

"It's just a beer." I tried to reason, but it didn't work as he held out his hand for me to hand it to him, and I grudgingly complied. "I knew drugs were off limits, but alcohol? Am I becoming straight edge or something?" I mocked.

"No, alcohol is fine; however, it's 8 o'clock in the morning." He matter-of-factly stated.

It was then I caught on to his eyes slowly drifting down my body and shoved his chest. He shook himself and gave me an apologetic look before I sashayed past him. In truth, I was quite flattered by his inability to keep his eyes from me. I had no intention of putting on clothes, not to be a tease, but because I didn't care. I was comfortable in my body and if Ezra wanted to strut around in his boxers I wouldn't protest. I don't do double standards.

"Was that a tattoo?" I heard him exclaim in shock and I came to sudden halt. Shit.

I had gotten a tattoo on my hip for my 18th birthday. It was excruciating and I regretted it dearly. Not many people noticed it because it was so small and if they did they didn't really question it. All of my new friends had tattoos so it wasn't a big deal. Ezra, however, knew my body better than I knew it and could spot any change from a mile off. I also knew Ezra wasn't a big fan of tattoos.

"No." I lied as I began pacing away from him only to hear him following from behind.

"You're ability to lie has certainly deteriorated." He rebuked as he caught up with me and grabbed my forearm, turning me to face him. "Can I see it?" He asked. His request completely baffled me. I thought he was going to scold me for being so childish as to mark my body. I was shocked to say the least.

"No, it's private."

"You let all those strange men see it, but you won't let me?" He asked. The hurt evident in his voice, I wish I hadn't brought up sex. He was definitely not going to let that go. "I don't know why you would do such a stupid thing anyway. Tattoos are permanent." There it was the scolding I was waiting for.

"Well, I thought you were permanent. So, it didn't matter so much then." I snapped as I pulled myself from his hold and marched into the guest room, slamming the door behind me.

Soon, I heard light knocks on my door as Ezra called my name with regret present in his voice. I didn't respond, not that ignoring him mattered,he still entered.

"Aria, I'm sorry for snapping at you. I was just angry that you wouldn't show me, I kinda have an idea as to why you didn't now." he sighed as he approached me whilst I sat on the edge of my bed watching my feet swing back and forth slightly. "When did you get it?" He cautiously asked.

"On my 18th birthday, a few months before you left me." I sorrowfully replied as I wiped away a few tears I had let fall. He took a seat beside me. "We were only friends, but I knew that was temporary. I thought you were going to be a permanent thing in my life whether or not we were together."

"What is it?" He croaked out as his Adam's bobbed in his throat.

I stood up in front of him and slightly pulled down the hem of the right side of my panties, revealing to him my 'B-26' tattoo. I felt so stupid showing him this. It was only a tattoo, but it meant so much more to than that. This tattoo made me feel naïve to have fallen for him; it reminded me of all he put me through. I had spent nights scratching and cutting my skin as I deluded myself into believing if I did it hard enough it would disappear. The same way I thought if I cried hard enough he would come back.

He analysed the tattoo, his finger delicately tracing it with the tip of his fingers. The feelings of his fingers against my naked skin caused a sensation to flow through my body that only his touch could evoke, but I ignored it. The memories flooded me and I burst into a sob. His alarmed eyes shot to me and I could see they, too, were filled with tears as he pulled me onto his lap and kissed my forehead repeatedly.

* * *

"Aria!" a voice called from behind me, dragging me out of my daydream.

I turned around to see Katie running towards me with open arms. As soon as she got close enough, she leapt into my arms and I willingly accepted her. It had only been two days, but I missed her so much. Even though sometimes I could kill her, it was hard going from seeing someone every day to hardly seeing them at all. After less than a minute of a tight embrace, we pulled away.

"I missed you so much." I said with a content sigh.

"So have I which is why I was thinking this Friday you and Ezra could come for a meal with me and Jesse." She squeaked hopefully.

"As much as the idea of accompanying you and your boyfriend on a date with my ex-boyfriend sounds great, I'm gonna have to say no." I sarcastically replied causing her to groan in annoyance as I walked past her and began handing out coffee to my colleagues.

"Please. It's not like we're going on a double date. I just think it would be nice for us all to hang out as friends." she pleaded as she followed me around the office like a needy puppy.

"No, Katie. Anyway, Ezra works for Times Magazine, what makes you so sure he won't run off and write an article about your secret relationship." I responded before turning around to see her pouting face.

"I trust him." she shrugged.

"You shouldn't. Did you ever listen when I drunkenly ranted about him?"

"Yes, but I think he has changed." She reasoned. "If he hasn't then why would he be back here for you?"

"He is not back here for me, he just happens to live here." I said matter-of-factly. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I will think about it."

"Thank you." she said as she pulled me into her embrace and placed a kiss on my cheek causing me to playfully grimace before she danced off to wherever she was needed. I shook my head as I watched her dance away with a small smile on my face that wouldn't waver.

"I'm home." I called as I threw my keys on the counter and removed my leather jacket and purse.

I waited awhile and there was still no response. My panic kicked in again and I called his name once more, still no response. I began pacing through his apartment, searching every room for him frantically, he was nowhere around. I broke down on my bed and felt as the tears began filling my eyes. Just before the first tear drop fell, I heard the sound of the front door closing and the muffled noise of his voice. I sprang to my feet and ran to the living room like a child on Christmas day. He gave me a questioning look as he continued his conversation on the phone and placed the bag of takeout on the counter. Soon he ended the phone call and gave me a weary smile as I watched him with a look of relief.

"I got takeout." He awkwardly announced. "I hope you're hungry for Thai food."

"Who was on the phone?" I casually asked as I began unpacking the bag of food.

"Um… Katie." He said. "You know, I really need to start investing in more dishes." He continued, obviously trying to change the subject.

"Ezra, why was Katie calling?" I asked in an accusing tone.

I knew why and knowing the pushover Ezra was, he had mostly likely agreed to dinner with them on Friday. She was so conniving! She knew Ezra was too polite to decline the offer even if he knew I wouldn't want to go.

"No reason." He shrugged. "Just to invite us to dinner on Friday." He hurriedly spoke as if saying it fast would make it any better.

"Let me guess, you said yes." I huffed as I ran a hand through my hair.

"No." He scoffed.

"Ezra."

"Okay, yes."

"For Christ sake, Ezra. What makes you think this is a good idea?" I asked as my anger began to get the better of me. "She is trying to set us up! Don't you see it?"

"I thought maybe you'd want to get out the house. I don't know, Aria. I'm not good at these things." He argued back. "So what if she is? Would one date really hurt?"

"Fine, one date. This doesn't change things between us." I cautioned as I snatched my plate from the counter. "Thank you for the food. Let's watch a movie."

* * *

 _Ezra's POV:_

Friday evening came all too soon. Aria and I had managed to go a week without arguing though it did elicit awkward silences and sentences as we avoided stepping on each other's toes. I didn't want it to be like that. I liked it when we bickered or teased, but I guess for now it was best we didn't. Teasing and bickering often led to actual arguments which were something we didn't need at this moment in time.

She was constantly irritable, but I read that was normal when people begin withdrawing from something they became dependent on. Snarky remarks became an everyday thing, then in a matter of minutes she came back spewing an apology which I accepted immediately. She also had a tendency to hardly sleep. I would hear her rustling about in the kitchen and living room early hours in the morning. I was worried, but yet again it was just another cause of her withdrawal. All I could do was be there for her, which is exactly what I intended to do.

"Aria, hurry up. We said we would meet them at the restaurant at 5 and its 4:30!" I called from my bedroom as I fixed my tie in the mirror.

"I look fat." She sulked as she marched into my bedroom with a pout on her face like a child.

My eyes roamed over her body and I was completely bemused by her statement. She looked stunning. She wore a black dress that clung tight to the upper-half of her body, accentuating her breasts and petite waist, and then hung loose at her hips. The dress stopped mid-thigh showing her slim legs. Fat was definitely not the word I would use to describe Aria, not that it would be a problem. I loved her regardless.

"Aria, y-you look beautiful." I absent-mindedly expressed as my eyes continued to wander her body until I noticed her shuffle slightly as a coat of pink covered her cheeks. My eyes then shot to her, wide with shock at how I had forgotten myself.

"Thank you." she timidly replied before kissing my cheek and returning to her room to grab her purse and phone.

We arrived at the restaurant, not exchanging a word since earlier. It wasn't as awkward as you'd expect, it was a comfortable silence as if we were both thinking the same thing. As I drove us to the restaurant, I stole a few glances over at Aria and there seemed to be a ghost of a smile constant on her face. We listened to the acoustic music that filled the car as she drummed her fingers against her knee and I against the steering wheel. Everything seemed to be falling back to how it used to be.

The restaurant was quiet for a Friday night, but I preferred it that way. I could see in Aria's eyes that she was disappointed at the lack of people and excitement since it made this all the more intimate. Katie and Jesse were already sat in a secluded booth at the back of the restaurant, not that it matter considering how empty the restaurant, but they were still dating secretively which meant they couldn't risk anyone seeing them. They called us to sit and we obliged, awkwardly.

"You both look stunning tonight." Katie complimented as we took our seats.

"Thanks." Aria mumbled as she shot her a false smile, I couldn't help but laugh at Aria's manner. Being civil wasn't really her strong point in certain situation and I always kind of found it amusing.

We began talking, doing the introductions as I had yet to meet Jesse. He was great looking, he had perfectly styled blonde hair, he was muscular, and he was the prettiest man I had met. I knew Jesse was a model, I had seen him in magazines, but I put it down to Photoshop. However, I was wrong. He really was that great looking. As we began scanning our menus, the waiter arrived.

"Aria!" The waiter exclaimed and automatically all eyes were on him.

All of a sudden she seemed to recoil at his presence. Well, I wasn't the type to jump to conclusions, but I could tell that they had a history. Probably one of the uncountable boys she slept with. I couldn't help but scowl at his presence. He wasn't her type, surely. He was too pretty, although Jake and Noel weren't exactly ruggedly handsome.

"Hey, Mark." She awkwardly replied, clearly not wanting to talk with him. "Is everyone ready to order?" she asked us, evidently trying to divert the conversation.

We then gave our order and he left, not before giving one last lingering stare directed at Aria which she broke off. She let out a huff and gave a look to Katie that seemed to mean more than I could decipher. I bit my tongue, holding out on my interrogation that was building. I had too many questions, but I didn't want to ruin the night. Then, we continued on as before. We bantered and small talked before Mark returned with our food and drink and left again.

"Who is that?" I asked Aria as Jesse and Katie began talking amongst themselves and eating their food.

"Nobody, just some guy I used to sleep with." She hurriedly admitted, like pulling off a Band-Aid, yet it still stung. I was in the presence of someone else who had… had my Aria. The mental image of her with that arrogant pretty boy was burned into my brain and it was safe to say I was no longer hungry.

"Hardly nobody." I muttered as I sipped on my scotch.

"Ezra, please. I don't want to argue with you." She sighed.

I couldn't look at her because if I did I wouldn't be able to contain my jealousy. I could feel her pleading eyes staring at the side of my head, almost trying to coax me to look at her as I swirled my drink. I then felt as her hand gently began to stroke mine, the feeling eliciting a shiver to run through my body. My eyes shot to her without any hidden confusion as she gave me a feeble smile.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as I became lost in her eyes.

As if on instinct I leant forward and kissed her cheek. I had completely forgotten that we didn't do those types of things anymore because they were so second nature to me. Her expression, though, brought me back to reality. She was surprised, but I could detect any type of anger which was a good sign. I was embarrassed to say the least as my eyes roamed the room and landed back onto the basically untouched food before me. I realised the table had become rather quiet. I glanced up to look at Katie who smiled down at her plate. Great. Apparently that awkward exchanged was seen by everyone on the table.

"So, round two?" Aria chirpily questioned as she called over a different waiter who retrieved us some more drinks.

Round two soon became round five. By that time the kiss had been forgotten and we returned to our casual ways. It was a funny night. Katie and Aria's conversations were amusing and, to be honest, merely being in Aria's presence when she was so happy was enough to make the night perfect. I missed that genuine smile and her goofy laugh. I missed seeing Aria act so natural. I felt as if she had been trying to convince herself she was someone else until she was with people who loved her regardless, until times like these.

I was ashamed that I had allowed that many drinks to have slipped past Aria's lips. She was supposed to be stopping with all the reckless behaviour and here I was encouraging it. I just didn't see the harm. If she was drinking for fun rather than to escape then what was the harm? Well, I hadn't seen a drunken Aria before. Ever. I therefore did not know that she was a very flirtatious drunk. I only became aware of that fact myself once I felt her foot brushing against my leg almost causing me to choke on my drink. I gave her a warning look, but she shot me an innocent smile as her ministrations continued.

"I think we better get you home." I leant over and whispered into her ear.

"I think you need to have another drink." she whispered back before giving me a challenging look which I shook my head at.

"Aria, it's almost 11 o'clock. We've had enough." I half-heartedly warned, unable to be stern when she was so very playful and amusing.

She rolled her eyes though her smirk still sustained. She then grabbed her purse and fished out some cash which she threw on the table to cover our meals and drinks.

"Guys, we're going to head home." Aria informed Katie and Jesse, her words sounding strong for someone who had consumed so much drink. She was clearly used to it by now. "I love you both."

"Nice meeting you and nice seeing you again." I quickly said to the pair before Aria pulled me out of the restaurant and hauled us a cab.

Little did I know, the night wasn't over for us… nothing was over for us.

* * *

 **I would like to ensure you all that this story isn't all fluff and, as you may know, I love drama. I promise there is more tribulations to come. I watched PLL today and, although there was no Ezra, it was amazing! I think I am growing accustom to Aria and Ezra not being together, as long as they remain single. Anyway, thank you for the reviews. I really appreciate them. love you all!**

 **-Tasha x**


	6. The First Strike

Chapter 6

The First Strike

We entered the apartment and I threw my fatigued body onto the couch whilst Aria disappeared into the bathroom. Admittedly, I had allowed myself to get drunk. I was able to handle myself though; I was always the carer at Frat Parties even after drinking my weight in beer. I rested my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes as I thought back on the nights events. Aria and I had been so… us. The jokes at each other's expense, the memories that we reminisced on, and the interest that remained the same even after the years of being apart.

I then felt as she sat beside me, curled up at my side as she rested her head on my chest. I looked down at her as she began tracing invisible patterns on my white shirt. The familiarity of our position made butterflies erupt in my stomach. Curled up on the couch together on a Friday night was the norm for us, add an old movie and we would be basically recreating memories.

"Tonight was great. I am glad we decided to go." She said as she lifted her head to look at me with her flawless smile.

"It was, wasn't it?" I grinned down at her, wanting nothing more than to kiss her. Even if I was to peck her lips it would be the most perfect feeling. Kissing her was like nothing else.

"I don't know how you aren't drunk." She giggled as she eyed me accusingly.

"Oh, I am drunk." I messily nodded eliciting another melodic laugh from Aria who began resting her head on my chest again. My hand absently began stroking her hair as she did so; her content sigh told me my ministrations were appreciated, so I continued to do so.

"You're very composed for a drunk." Aria commented as her eyes slowly began to close, revelling in the feeling of my fingers brushing through her silky hair.

I hummed in response before pressing my lips to the top of her head. I instantly regretted my decision as I felt her tense in my arms. I stopped my actions as I attempted to work out how she was going to react. I was stupid to do that. I was just caught up in the normalcy of us.

All remorseful thoughts were put on halt as she lifted her head so her big hazel eyes were staring into mine. Everything was silent; the only sound coherent to me was my heart thudding hard against my chest that I knew she could feel as her hand remained rested on my chest. The next thing I knew, her eyes wandered to my lips then back to my eyes as if silently questioning me. I licked my lips as a subconscious response and then her lips were on mine. It was as if fireworks had burst in my body, the sensation was indescribable. We had kissed twice since I returned, but this was different. It was passionate and loving, it wasn't rough. She had a new way of kissing that didn't appeal to me so much, I wasn't complaining since kissing Aria at all was magnificent. This time was different though. This time I felt like she loved me back.

Her nimble fingers began undoing the buttons of my shirt. I placed my hands on her shoulders and gently pulled her lips from mine, missing the loss of contact immediately.

"Aria, this isn't a good idea." I protested, it was a feeble protest. It was hard to be against something I craved so much.

"Ezra, I know I may be a bit drunk, but I want this. I've missed this." She countered with so much conviction and I, too, felt the same way.

I couldn't say no. I feverishly nodded and she smiled before reattaching her lips to mine. She then straddled my lap as our kiss deepened, my hands wandered to the back of her thighs when I lifted her from the couch and carried her into the bedroom. Our lips never parting once.

* * *

 _Aria' s POV:_

My eyes fluttered open to an unfamiliar sight which made my heart race. I shot into sitting position as I clutched the sheet to my chest. I was used to waking up in random bedrooms, but it didn't mean I liked it. I hated it. It was as if I never had control of my urges when I was drunk. I heard laughter from behind me and shot my head in the direction, revealing a sleeping Ezra. I let out a breath of relief which soon turned into a gasp. I couldn't have.

I rubbed my throbbing head as if trying to coax it into remember last nights… event, but it was no use. I could remember the make out session that, I apparently very much enjoyed, enjoyed enough to jump into his bed. Why must I be such a slut? I didn't want this, at least sober me didn't. I couldn't even remember it! How could I not remember? I had been dreaming of the day we finally made love again and I couldn't even remember it. Why must I be so frisky when drunk? And why must Ezra be such a pushover?

I noticed as he stirred and I froze, not wanting to wake him up. I had to leave. I was not ready to face him if he woke up. I needed to escape the suffocating feeling the situation had evoked in me. I snuck out of the bed and discreetly dressed in the clothes that had been flung around his bedroom. I felt guilt for leaving him when he laid asleep so naïve to it all, clutching his pillow as if it were me. I never usually felt this way after a hook-up, but this wasn't usual. This was Ezra.

I successfully left the apartment without a peep whilst Ezra remained sleeping, his spontaneous sleep-giggles and loud snores comforting me in that belief. I searched my purse for my phone to call Kate, but it seems I had left it there. There was no way I was going back there and risk getting caught sneaking out like he was some booty call. It was sleazy. Sleeping with my ex-boyfriend after a few too many Vodka Soda's was sleazy. This whole thing was sleazy. Thankfully, my purse still held my car keys and my great escape was back on track.

I glanced at my watch, it was 9:00. Surely Katie was awake by now; No-Hangover-Katie always seemed to manage to wake up early after a night out. I had my keys revoked from me in case I snuck back here at night or whatever other shenanigans I could get up to. I mean, taking away the keys to my own apartment? It was absurd. I didn't get much say though being that I was the "Coke addict." Coke. God, why did I let it enter my mind. I shook my head to rid the thoughts and knocked on my apartment door. It wasn't long before the door swung open and revealed to me a half-dressed Jesse who was sleepily rubbing his head.

"Hey, Jesse. Nice to know you spent the night." I sarcastically joked as I entered the apartment. "Where is Katie?"

"Shower." He mumbled before retreating to the bedroom.

I paced over to the bathroom and banged on the door in an attempted to be heard over the running water and her shrill singing. All noise came to a halt and the door abruptly opened to a confused Katie who stood with a towel wrapped round her head and one wrapped around her torso. Her bemused look became alarmed as she eyed my previously worn clothes; I remained quiet as I watched her connect to dots. Then she gasped and I knew she got it.

"You had sex with Ezra." She accused. Her voice as if all the breath had been taken from her body. I sheepishly nodded. "Aria, that's great!" She exclaimed before enveloping me into a hug which I refused to return.

"Kate, I am standing here in our apartment at 9 o'clock in the morning wearing clothes from the night before. What part of this screams 'great'?" I incredulously asked. Her pleasant smile slowly turning into a frown as she barged past me and into the kitchen, I followed suit behind.

"You did not fuck and duck?" She disappointedly questioned as she began fixing herself a bowl of cereal.

"I did." I sighed, running a frustrated hand through my untamed hair. "I don't want to be with him, Katie. This was meant to be a platonic relationship; we were not supposed to become fuck buddies."

"Then don't. Don't become fuck buddies, become more than that." She suggested, though her tone was almost pleading. Why she wanted me to be with him so badly was beyond me.

"Look, I know you are all 'Team Ezra', but I can't be with him in that way again. I don't think I can explain to you enough times how much he hurt me because, no matter how much I do, it doesn't seem to pass through your thick skull." I spat, livid with her ignorance towards my feelings.

How could she not see it? Everyone always painted him as a saint and I was fed up. I regretted my harsh words as I caught on to the tears that I triggered in her eyes. Sometimes I forget how fragile and sensitive Katie was.

"I'm sorry, but I have listened. I have listened enough to know that there is more to this story. I have listened enough to know that you don't hate him as much as you want to. If you did hate him then you would have picked Rehab. Maybe my skull is thick, but at least my heart isn't as hard as yours. Have fun dying alone, bitch." She argued back before throwing her bowl into the sink and storming off.

With that I, too, stormed off in the direction of the door. I slammed it shut behind me and headed the only other place I had left to go.

Thankfully, it was Saturday meaning that she was certainly home. On a Saturday Morning Monika avoided leaving her apartment unless it was necessary because she hated paparazzi and, frankly, she was pretty much the laziest person I knew. I jumped into my car and slammed my fist against the wheel before bursting into tears. In truth, I knew everything that Katie said was true, but that didn't change the situation. The situation I had put myself into. That's what hurt the most, I had put myself in this position, but I wasn't strong enough to pull myself out of it. Moments like these prove that.

* * *

 _Ezra's POV:_

I rolled to the side of the bed and was alarmed by the emptiness. I shot up and scanned my room, her clothes were gone. I climbed from the bed and began searching my apartment; she was nowhere to be seen. I hoped that she had just gone to the grocery store or gone home to retrieve some more clothes, yet there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I was wrong. I scurried to find my phone and called Aria. The phone began ringing and I sighed in relief, but all hope was faltered as the ringtone was heard coming from the coffee table. I picked up her phone and discovered 3 missed calls that had been made an hour prior, all of which from Katie. I quickly dressed myself and headed for her apartment.

I arrived at the white apartment door and gave three stern knocks, eager to get the urgency across. In a few short seconds the door swung open to Katie who seemed disappointed to be met by my face on the other side of the door.

"Sorry, I thought you were Aria." She huffed, her statement worrying me terribly. If she wasn't with me or with Katie then who was she with? "I hoped she would be with you, but I am guessing my speech didn't have the impact I was hoping." She said ruefully.

"Wait. So, she has been here?"

"Yeah, about two hours ago." She responded as she glanced down at her watch to clarify. "Make that three."

"She's been gone for three hours!" I concernedly exclaimed as I gripped onto either side of the door frame to calm myself. "Where could've she gone?"

"I have an idea. Ever heard of Monika Haig?" I nodded. "Yeah, well she Aria's little dealer friend, I wouldn't be shocked that, after your little slip, she's gone for another fix." Katie bitterly responded, her words once again startling me.

"Katie, Aria and I never had a slip. We made out and she fell asleep before anything even… began." I awkwardly explained gaining a wide eyed gaze from Katie. "Did she tell you that we-Does she think we...? Christ, no wonder she disappeared. Do you know where Monika lives?"

"I'm sorry, I don't. I'm not really close with Monika. Listen, go home and wait, she'll turn up sooner or later. There isn't much we can do anyway, it's too late."

"Fuck." I screamed as I punched the wall beside the door, causing Kate to jolt in surprise. "I'm sorry. I should go."

I then returned home, praying she would come home sober and defy the odds. I knew it wasn't likely, but I wanted her to prove me wrong.

* * *

 _Aria's POV:_

One last line, I told myself for the second time that night. It was approaching 12 o'clock and I knew that I had to return to Ezra's eventually; unless I planned to crash at Monika's apartment which I wasn't sure was a great idea. As soon as the thought of Ezra came to mind I became worried again and, to filter my brain of him for a while, I inhaled the powder and drifted back into a tranquil state.

"I should probably get going." I announced as I lifted myself from the couch. "Thanks for everything, Monika."

"Hey, no problem. Let my driver take you home, you can't be driving like this." She offered and although, out of politeness, I felt to decline, I knew she was right. I gave her a thankful smile and a dreamy nod as she called her driver who picked me up at the bottom of her apartment building.

In less than, 20 minutes we pulled up outside Ezra's apartment building. I took a readying breath as I stared up to the window of his living room. I could see that the lights were still on and it was likely he was still up, waiting for me to return home so he could scold me. I thanked the driver before heading to my inevitable consequence which was going to be a very long lecture.

I was about to slip my key in the key hole when the door abruptly opened to Ezra who stood with a look in his eyes so filled with rage that for a moment I was scared. He stepped aside and I shamefacedly entered, I tried to escape his wrath as I paced to my bedroom, but for no purpose since he had no intention of letting me leave.

"Are you high?" He asked. His tone was dark and evidently angry. I had never heard him speak in such a way before and it made Goosebumps rise on my arms. "You're lucky I didn't go over to Monika's and drag you out of there."

"Look at you, learning you boundaries." I cooed, finding myself much more amusing than he did.

"I know my boundaries, but you clearly don't know yours. You are high and you thinking you can stroll in here at twelve-thirty. That's basically two strikes...in one night." He incredulously stated.

Honestly, I felt bad. I shouldn't have been so inconsiderate and stupid. I wasn't sure if it was my pride or the cocaine, but in that moment I couldn't seem to let my guard down. I couldn't let him see that I was sorry.

"Oops. I never really was that good at baseball." I light-heartedly shrugged.

"Evidently you aren't so great at comebacks either." He sarkily countered, though his words remained free of humour. "I can't believe you. Who even are you? This isn't Aria. I know Aria. This is some stupid woman who needs to grow the fuck up. Running off and doing something reckless when the going gets tough? You're not 16 anymore. The irony is when you were 16 you were much more mature than this. What happened to the girl I love?" His voice was aggressive, but by the way it croaked and quivered I could tell he was as sad as he was angry.

"The girl you loved disappeared when the man I loved did the same." I screamed back before bursting into a flood of uncontrollable tears. He went to approach me with an obvious apology about to leave his lips, but I didn't want to hear it. I held up my hand to silence him as I tried to muffle my sobs with the other. "Leave me alone, please."

He sorrowfully nodded and entered his room, allowing me to cry in peace as I slowly descended to the floor. I couldn't cope with this. After tomorrow I was cutting out Ezra from my life completely, even if it meant going to rehab. Anything was better than this torture.

* * *

 **Hey, once again, thank you all for the support and reviews it all means so much to me! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

 **I was thinking of writing an AU Ezria Fanfiction based in a Psychiatric Ward, I was wondering if you guy would be interested in that at all. I have only written the first chapter so it won't be uploaded yet. But it's up to you guys. anyway, thanks for reading. Love you all!**

 **-Tasha x**


	7. Gone Girl

Chapter 7

Gone Girl

I could hear her sobs reverberating throughout my apartment. What was I supposed to do? Maybe I was in over my head when believing I could do this. I had no experience in helping people with addiction, but I thought the fact I knew her so well would help me. But that just it, I _knew_ her well, but now I hardly know her at all. There were times when I forgot that. She was different now and I wasn't sure she will ever return to the Aria I fell in love with. I wasn't going to keep deluding myself into believing I can change her and I can go back to the way things were. I was clinging on to the past and I needed to let it go. That didn't mean I was giving up on her; I was just giving up on waiting for who she was to come back.

The sobs finally subsided and I heard the sound of her bedroom door closing. I wanted so badly to comfort her, but she wanted to be left alone and I respected her wishes. She had every right to want to be alone. I had been insensitive to someone who is dealing with things that I couldn't possibly begin to understand. Just seeing her like that triggered this side of me that I wasn't sure existed until then. The worst part is now I knew I was the reason. I had wondered if I had brought her to this place, but I didn't want to believe it. Then, after last night my doubts were proven. I was the reason she was using and I was going to help her stop.

I left my room and took a long look at Aria's bedroom door. I could hear as she aggressively thrashed around the place, but left her to do as she pleased. She was angry and I guess trashing the place was her way of dealing with that. I entered the kitchen and made myself a coffee. It was now 1 o'clock and I had an article to work on in the morning. Great. I had more important things on my mind though. Aria meant more to me than my job.

My eyes began to open to my sun lit living room. I was laid on my couch, I wasn't even aware I had fallen asleep. I grabbed my phone from the coffee table and saw it was 10:00 am. I doubted Aria was awake yet. I made my way over to the kitchen and began making pancakes for breakfast as an apology to Aria. I know that pancakes weren't going to make things better, but it was just part of the apology I had planned and she loved my pancakes. I finished making the pancakes and placed them on a plate which I situated in the middle of the counter with two cups of coffee. Now, all that was left to do was wait for Aria.

20 minutes had passed and the food was official cold. I knew that Aria woke up later than me, but it was never that long after. I wasn't sure whether it was an effect of the drugs or whether something was wrong. Fear began building up inside of me as all the possible situations swarmed my mind. I then paced over to her room and gave her door a loud knock. There was no response so I knocked again, this time louder. Still no answer. By now my heart was racing. I pushed open the door to an empty room. The bed was made and it looked as if it hadn't even been slept in. The room was clean and it seemed all her stuff was gone. I ran over to her en suite bathroom which was also free of any signs of Aria. I began manically opening her drawers, all of which were empty. When finally I found a note.

 _'_ _Ezra,_

 _I'm sorry. Thank you for all that you've done, but this just isn't fair on either of us. You deserve much better and I am just holding you back from a wonderful life. So, I'm leaving._

 _Don't come looking for me._

 _-Aria'_

Aria was gone.

* * *

"The last time you saw her was last night?" Katie asked as she paced up and down in my living room.

I had called Katie after I had attempted to call Aria around 30 times, my calls going straight to voicemail. She had come over as soon as I told her that Aria had left. I couldn't believe it myself, but it was clear Katie was in complete disbelief. New York was a big city; it wasn't likely we could patrolling the streets in search for her.

"Yeah, we- we had a huge argument." I confessed though she didn't seem to be fazed by the revelation as if the idea had already crossed her mind. "I've tried to call, but it's going straight to voicemail every time."

"Me too. Do you have an idea where she might have gone?"

"Not a clue. Monika's apartment was a possibility, but that would be too obvious a place to go." I let out a exasperated groan and ran a hand over my face, throwing myself on my couch in defeat.

I was holding the open note in my hands, my eyes constantly scanning the words. The words were so similar to the ones I had written to Aria when I had left, though she left out an 'I love you' and few other things. I couldn't believe that she was gone; I had just gotten her back. Tears had then fallen from my eyes before I had the chance to catch them. Katie sat beside me and wrapped her arms around me in a comforting hug.

"We will find her Ezra."

* * *

 _Aria's POV_

After a 4 hour car journey and a hell of a lot of gas money, I had finally arrived at Rosewood. I hadn't been back here in a few years but everything looked basically the same. Rosewood may have looked the same, but it was a completely different place to me now. Rosewood then was my home filled with people I loved; Rosewood now is a constant reminder of all I had lost. All that remained here was my parents who didn't even live in the same house anymore. The whole place was alien to me now.

I drove to my mom's house where she lived with her new husband Mark. Mark seemed like a nice guy, I didn't doubt that, he just wasn't my dad. There was no way they were ever getting back together now and the reality of that finally hit once I received the wedding invitation through my door late last year. I thought I had accepted my parents moving on with their lives, but I realised then that I wasn't. Every part of normalcy from my childhood was being taken from underneath me. They sold my childhood house once Mike had started college, then my mom moved in with Mark, and my Dad brought a house for himself near Ravenswood. Now there was basically nothing in Rosewood left that really made it my home.

I had called my mom after I decided I was leaving New York. Thankfully, she didn't ask many questions and, instead, was just pleased to hear I was visiting. I wasn't sure how long I planned to stay here for, but that was the last of my worries. I had called my work and taken a leave of absence for personal issues which Clark was, strangely, okay with.

"Aria!" My mom greeted as she pulled me into her arms. "I missed you so much. You hardly answer the phone anymore."

"Yeah, I've had a lot going on." I warily excused before she released me from her hold. "Hey, Mark." I awkwardly greeted him as he stood behind my mother and he replied with a smile.

"You're room is upstairs, first door on the right." She eagerly informed me; clearly she was happy I was back. I wasn't too pleased myself, but it was nice to see my mom again. I definitely missed her more than I led on. "Do you want any food, dear?"

"Yes, please. I haven't eaten since Friday evening." I playfully groaned gaining a response I didn't expect.

"Why? What's going on?" My mom concernedly questioned as her interrogating eyes narrowed onto mine. I definitely regretted saying anything.

"Nothing, I was just very busy yesterday and forgot to eat." I shrugged as I began making my way up the stairs before she could ask any further questions.

I entered the room they had allowed me to stay in. It was mostly decorated with dark mahogany furniture and the walls were painted a dark shade of green which matched the silk sheets on the Twin-sized bed. It was obviously decorated by my mom; the antique feel to it just screamed Ella. I was glad. It gave it a homely feel, though it could really never be home.

I placed my suitcase onto the bed and began unpacking my things. I pulled out a photo frame I had found a few nights ago in Ezra's desk drawer. It was a photo of me and Ezra from years ago, a long time before he had left. We were so happy. Although, even then we had so much to deal with, we had each other and that was all we needed. But when I think back to all the lies I wonder if I really did have him. Maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe I was still caught up in all the deceit. I forgave him and I believed he loved me, but then if he could just leave me like that then was any of it really true? Did he really love me like he promised?

There was a knock on the door that pulled me out of my thoughts. I quickly placed the photo frame back into the suitcase and wiped away the few tears that I wasn't aware I had shed.

"Come in." I called as I continued to unpack the rest of my things as if those few moments had even happened.

"Ella wanted me to tell you that breakfast is ready." Mark told me as he entered the room.

"Thanks. I will be down in a minute." I feebly smiled to him as I placed a few items of clothing into the dresser. He nodded and began leaving the room when I called him back. "Mark, i-is she happy?"

He gave me a questioning look before smiling and nodding as he placed his hands into his pockets, "I hope so." He chuckled. "I like think I make her happy."

"I think you do." I assured him. "She seems it."

"Right now I think she's just happy you're back." He replied. I looked down at my hands that were intertwined in front of me. I couldn't come back here and mess everything up for her. She couldn't know the real reason I was back. It would kill her. "She's worried about you, you know?" I shot my head up to him in surprise. Mother's intuition, I guess.

"She has no reason to. I am fine. I promise."

"Well, if you say so, Aria." He nodded, but his words sounded sceptical. "Don't take too long, we don't want these pancakes getting cold."

"I'll only be a minute. Thank you, Mark, for making her happy."

"I try my best." He lightly laughed before he left.

I was so selfish for coming back here and interfering in her new life. It was clear she had her life the way she wanted, the way she deserved, and I was coming back and potentially fucking it all up. I fucked everything up. All this time I had been worried about her and Mark when really he was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. She's had it hard with Byron and Zack, now she's found someone who is good for her. All I cared about was myself. Everyone else's life had moved on and I wanted them all to stay frozen in time. Everyone was evidently better off with me out of their lives. Ezra had a great job and an easy-going life; I heard that Spencer and Toby are married and she is a big time lawyer; Hanna was having Caleb's baby; Emily was an professional swimmer… then there was me. I was 26 and still an intern and I doubt there was much luck of me ever becoming anything more. What happened to me?

* * *

"This is great, Mom." I expressed as I scoffed another piece of pancake into my mouth. "It's just like Ezra-." I began saying before I cut myself short. I hadn't spoken to my mom about Ezra since I started college. I made her believe I was over him; I made everyone believe I was fine.

"Ezra?" Mark asked my mom, evidently confused by the sudden awkward tension that arose around us.

"It's no one, I don't know why even mentioned it." I dismissed before my mom could answer him.

A silence arose in the dining room as everyone continued to eat their food, all consumed by their thoughts. The worst part was that I had no idea what they were thinking. My mom was the one I was most bothered about, the way I could feel her watching me had me on edge. She knew something was up and now I had to decide whether or not to lie to her.

"I'll clean up." I announced.

I stood up from my chair and began removing the condiments while they finished the last of their food. I was just eager to get away from their watching eyes. I then took their plates and began washing up. I could hear as they whispered from behind me though I couldn't hear what was being said. Once I was finished I turned to face them both, their whispers coming to sudden halt.

"I'm going to finish unpacking, I'll be back down later." I told them as I jogged up the stairs and into the room.

I closed the door behind me and rested against it, letting out a breath of relief. I stared over to my suitcase at the clothes that was yet to be unpacked and the picture that lay atop of them. I grabbed the frame and placed it in the drawer of the bedside table before I continue unpacking. I grabbed a pair of my jeans and began folding them when I felt something fall from one of the pockets. I furrowed my brows as I glanced down to the floor. There I saw it. A small bag that contained a white powder that definitely wasn't flour, no matter how much I wished it was. Then there was a knock on the door, I picked up the bag and forced it into my pocket just before my mom entered the room.

"Hey, Mom." I chirpily greeted with an evidently false smile. "What can I do you for?" She gave me a doubting look before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Aria, I didn't ask why on the phone, but why are you back here? Is it because of Ezra?" She cautiously asked as she reached for my hand and began caressing it. Thank god I had stashed that away.

"No."

"Aria, if you came back here to find him, you can tell me?" She comfortingly smiled up at me.

I let out a sigh before sitting beside her, "No, if anything I came here to escape him." Well, I guess I was telling her the truth.

"Escape him?"

"Yeah, he is New York." I nodded with a pursed-lipped smile as she stared at me completely bemused by the new information.

"What do you mean 'escape him'?" She questioned, her tone becoming angry as it was clear she had misconstrued what I was trying to say.

"Mom, it's not like that. If anything I am at fault." I remorsefully replied. "Things have been complicated for the past year. I can't really begin to explain in, but I promise you that I am sorting things out."

"Okay." She softly replied as tears began filling her eyes. "Just know that I love you, no matter what, okay?"

"I love you too." She then pulled me into her arms and kissed my head. "I never thought I would say this, but I am glad to be back." I lightly chuckled causing her to do the same before she released me from her tight bear-hug.

"I'm going to go down to Mark and tell him everything is fine." she sniffled as she brushed away her tears and grinned at me. "He is worried about you, you know?"

"Really? He doesn't even know me."

"He knows you're my daughter and that I love you, that's enough for him." she said as she cleared the hair out of my face and looked at me lovingly. "I love you, but if I ever find out you went a day without eating again, I will kill you." she joked to which I light-heatedly rolled my eyes.

Then she got up from the bed and left the room. I let out a huff then reached into my pocket and pulled out the bag. There I noticed a little note stapled onto it.

 _'_ _Don't say I never gave you anything. Kisses._

 _-M'_

I aggressively opened the bedside drawer and threw it in there beside my photo of Ezra and me. I smiled down at the photo and lightly traced the outline of Ezra with fingers. He was so beautiful. I never thought I would miss him already. I had managed years living without him-hardly managed- but now, after spending almost every day with him, I couldn't go 6 hours without missing him. I missed hearing him whistle and sing in his high-pitched shriek as he wandered around the apartment. I missed how he would constantly try to make me laugh, even if it meant making a fool of himself. I missed that he looked at me like the same Aria I was before.


	8. Moving on

Chapter 8

Moving on

"Aria, sweetie, wake up." My mom softly called as she rocked me awake.

"Hey, mom. What's up?" I groggily asked as I began sitting up and stretching my limbs.

"Well, you came back to Rosewood at a convenient time. Today happens to be Hanna's baby shower and Ashley's 50th birthday. We were invited over to their house for the occasion, I was wondering if you wanted to come and catch up with old friends?" My mom sweetly asked as she sat on the end of my bed.

"Really? That's wonderful. Who's going?"

"Spencer, Toby, Emily, Lucas, Mona, and I think Mike will be attending."

"Wait. So, my little brother was invited to my old best friends baby shower, but I wasn't?" I bitterly asked before shaking my head in disbelief.

"Aria, can you blame them? You never visit anymore, you don't answer your calls, and you certainly haven't made any effort to contact them in the past couple of years. I'm surprised you even knew Hanna was pregnant. They thought you had moved on without them." Ella explained in a sympathetic tone.

"If anything, they've all moved on without me." I muttered.

I envied them all so much. They had all remained friends, even with Mona and my brother. God, I hadn't seen my brother in too long. How did it get to this place? It was like I had been living in a different world, expecting nothing else to change. I wanted everything to stay the same so much that I forgot to appreciate what was left in this all. I doubted they even wanted to talk to me after I had avoided them all for so long. They were the best friends I ever had and I would never get anything close to how amazing our relationships were. It was my own fault.

Soon it was 6 o'clock and mom and Mark were leaving for Ashley's house. They had both taken the day off to spend time with me on my first day home. I had decided not to go; I wasn't at a time in my life where I felt confident enough to face people I hadn't seen in years. Although, I told my mom that I had just been feeling a little under the weather. I waved them goodbye and returned to the bedroom, crawling into bed and pulling the blanket over my head to block out the sunlight. I had unknowingly fallen back to sleep. Roughly an hour later, I heard my phone buzzing from the bedside table. I knew it couldn't be Ezra and Katie since I had blocked their numbers. I reached for the phone and checked to see the caller ID. It was my mom.

"Hello?"

"Aria, all the girls have been asking about you. I told them you were in town and they really want to see you." she excitedly informed me. "Please drop in, even if it's just for a while." She pleaded like a child desperate to get their way. I rolled my eyes before agreeing.

I jumped out from the bed and had a quick shower before dressing in the quickest time I found possible. I wanted to get this over and done with and there was no point wasting time. I wore a navy blue, tight-fitted, peplum dress and navy heels. I tried my best to look professional rather than my usual skanky look. Once I was finished I checked my phone and was overcome with guilt as I glanced down at the Wallpaper on my phone; it was a photo of me and Katie. Kate had a right to know where I was, but I couldn't trust her to not tell Ezra. She seemed to tell him everything now. I decided to do it anyway.

 **To: KT**

 **Hey, Kate. I just wanted to tell you that I am safe and, in case you were worrying, you shouldn't. I am happy where I am. Don't come looking for me. I love you x**

I let out a sigh of relief and threw the phone in my purse. I was so apprehensive to hear her reply and I was god damn anxious as fuck to attend Hanna's baby shower. I hadn't seen her in years and I didn't even have the decency to get a gift. I couldn't turn up empty handed. I searched my drawers manically in hope to come across some sort of gift, whether it is for her or the baby. I opened the bedside drawer and froze. I forgot I even had that. With all this stress, I took it and put it in my purse. In case I needed something to get through this. As I did so I took one last glance at the picture that also resided in the same draw. I felt guilty as I looked down at me, the me I used to be. Maybe she would understand if she knew the circumstances. I closed to drawer and journeyed to Hanna's old house.

The streets were packed with cars and I was lucky to finally find a space to park. It seemed as if the whole of Rosewood was coming to the shower, but I remembered that half of these people didn't even live here anymore. Neither did I. I was worried. I didn't know how much they all knew about my new lifestyle and I wasn't sure what they were going to ask. I didn't want them to think any different of me now. Somewhere deep down I am still the same girl I was before, it was just harder to find her. I sheepishly knocked on the door and was welcomed by Hanna Marin's memorable smile.

"Aria!" She shrieked with excitement as she pulled me into her embrace. "I can't believe you are here."

"Hey, Hanna." I awkwardly replied as I pulled from her hold. "I'm sorry I didn't bring a gift, this was really last minute, but I had time to pick up a bottle of wine."

"Thank you." She gleamed as she took the bottle and ushered me into the house.

From the foyer, the house was a lot more empty than the cars parked outside suggested, but as I glanced into the living room I noticed it was crowded with people all talking amongst themselves. I was nervous to say the least; I wasn't aware who was here, other than who my mother had told me. From the looks of things it wasn't just the girls and their men. Hanna then guided me into the familiar white kitchen where the girls and their men were sat having an, evidently funny, conversation.

"Guys, look who's here." Hanna cheerily announced.

Everyone turned to look up at me, their jaws dropping as they were apparently shocked by my decision to turn up. Their shocked expressions transformed into smiles as Spencer and Emily approached me and enveloped me into a tight hug.

"We've missed you so much." Spencer finally spoke as they released me from their hold.

"Yeah, sorry, life's been busy lately." I excused as I felt the need to apologise for being so rude as to avoid them for the couple of years. I regretted it now as I looked on at how close they still all were. I'd give everything up in a second if I could have what they still had. Really these people weren't the ones who had changed, it was me.

"Its' fine. We know, we read the tabloids." Spencer joked with that smirk that I missed as they led me over to the stools at the counter.

"Yeah, we know how much of a party animal you are now." Emily teased with a wink. They didn't know the half of it.

The conversations began flowing, but I didn't involve myself much. It was hard to do so when you had no idea what they were talking about. They were still so tight-knit and knew everything about each other's lives. I didn't know a thing. They all teased each other, recounted memories I weren't there for, and mocked Hanna for being so ditsy. Things I used to be able to do with them. Now I was just an outsider. Soon we got on a conversation path that I really didn't want to journey on; Ezra Fitz. It wasn't their fault. They didn't know I was still broken because of him. They thought I moved on years ago.

"When I think about it now, it seems like it couldn't possibly be real. Ezra was your teacher, it's so scandalous." Spencer joked as she sipped on her red wine.

"Yeah, I didn't believe it when Spencer told me." Toby added. "Apparently now he is dating some international writer who is always travelling the world. I bet she nothing compared to you though, Aria."

What? This couldn't be possibly true. He couldn't be dating someone. I was basically living with him, I would've known. I would have seen some sort of sign, like the fact she was never around. Though, Toby did say she travelled a lot. Maybe she's on one of her adventures and I was Ezra's little project to preoccupy himself until she returned. I can't believe this, yet it makes some sense.

"Are you okay, Aria?" Emily whispered to me as she noticed my change in demeanour.

"I'm fine." I reassure her as my phone buzzed in my purse. "Sorry, I need to take this." Perfect timing to escape.

I paced to the upstairs bathroom that was thankfully empty. I closed the door and locked it behind me as I feverishly searched my purse. I grabbed my phone to check what it was.

 **Aria, it's Ezra. Please answer my calls. I am worried sick about you and I need to see you.**

 **From: KT**

That bitch. What a best friend she was. Whose side was she on? Mine or Ezra's? Because it was starting to look like she was more his best friend than she was mine. I aggressively shoved my phone back into the purse, noticing that little transparent bag as I did so. One line couldn't hurt. It would just help me get through this little hiccup.

I took out the bag and, using my credit card, I laid the white substance out on the marble counter. I took out a dollar and rolled it up. I then did as you'd expect. My nose burned forcefully, more than usual. I brushed it off. It was probably because I had done so much Saturday and my nose was still recovering, but like I said, one line couldn't hurt. Then there was a knock on the bathroom door, almost making me jump out of my own skin.

"One minute." I called.

"Aria, its Spencer. Are you okay in there? I'm sorry if Toby upset you, it wasn't intentional." Spencer remorsefully spoke from the other side of the door.

I sighed before cleaning up the counter then opening the door to Spencer.

"I'm okay, Spencer." I said with a comforting smile.

Spencer smiled back at me. Her smile then slowly transformed to an alarmed expression.

"Really 'cause your nose bleed suggests otherwise." She whisper-shouted to me as she pushed me back into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. "What's going on, Aria?"

"I-I was blowing my nose. I must've accidentally hurt it." I lied. It was clear by her face that she didn't buy into it.

"If that were true then why are your pupils dilated?" Spencer aggressively interrogated before rubbing her head, obviously distressed by her discovery. "Does Ella know?"

"No, and she doesn't have to."

"Aria, I have to tell her." Spencer argued.

"Since when did we tell our parents anything?" I retorted.

"We're not 16 anymore, Aria. This is serious stuff." Spencer was clearly persistent in telling my mom, but I was even more persistent that she kept this between us.

"Please, Spencer. I am getting clean, I promise. It was just a slip." I promised whilst giving her the most sincere look I possibly could. "I came out here to get away from this. I'll throw the rest away to prove it to you."

"Do it. Flush it away now." Spencer commanded as she crossed her arms around her chest. I nodded before I grabbed the bag from my purse and poured it down the toilet. I looked over to her as she watched me flush it away. She let out a breath of relief. She then took my hand and dragged me from the toilet and into Hanna's old room that was now decorated with baby furniture. We sat down on the couch that, admittedly, looked out of place. "You and I are going to do some serious talking."

I told her everything I possibly could. It felt good to get this off my chest, especially to someone who used to care for me so much. Spencer was usually someone I could go to, of course I was guaranteed a lecture, but it was only because she cared. She let me talk, not once interrupting me as I spilled my heart out.

"I think you should talk to Ezra." Spencer suggested once I had finished talking. She noticed my uncertainty and continued. "Look, after all he has done for you, he deserves an explanation. Aria, I know what you went through, I was there, but something tells me that there's more to this story."

"What am I supposed to say?" I sniffled as I rested my head on Spencer's shoulder who wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Start with saying you're sorry, and then maybe ask for an explanation."

"What if I don't like his excuse? What if he really left me because he fell out of love with me?" My heart almost breaking at the thought of his feelings no longer being present. I still loved him, I never stopped. I just wished I could know for sure that he felt the same.

"I don't think that was possibly true. Even when you were just friends he looked at you like you were his world." Spencer reasoned with a comforting squeeze. "Toby doesn't look at me the way that Ezra looked at you."

"Speaking of Toby, what if what he said was true? What if Ezra is still with someone and he is just doing this all out of guilt?" I bitterly asked as the tears resurfaced in my already puffy eyes.

"The only way you could know is if you talk."

I sat on the edge of the bed with my phone in my hands. I had been sat like that for a while now, contemplating whether I should call him. In truth, I knew I should call him, but whether I had the courage to do so was a whole other problem. My hands were shaky and my heart was racing, but I had to do this. I couldn't let fear control my life anymore. I couldn't get up and leave as soon as things get tough; I had to stick it out like the old Aria would do. I unblocked his number and pressed call.

"Aria?" Ezra impatiently questioned as soon as he answered the call.

"Hi." I sheepishly giggled.

The sounds of his voice was enough to cure me of my fears, it was like medication. The good kind. I missed it. I missed him.

"Where are you? I've been worried sick about you." He sternly questioned me. I rolled my eyes at him, but my smile didn't waver.

"I'm at Rosewood, staying with my mom and her husband."

"I'm coming to see you. I have to see you." He stated, though his words held more desperation as though he was pleading me to agree.

"Okay." I simply replied as I bit my bottom lip, mentally readying myself for what was to come once he arrived here. I had to get answers from him and that's what I was going to do, whether I liked them or not. The truth was the only way I could move on. "Come tomorrow afternoon, my mom and Mark will be at work. We need to talk."

"Sure." He replied with a hint of uncertainty to his voice. "I'll be there."

* * *

 **Hey, thank you once again for all your amazing reviews. I am sorry that this chapter didn't contain much between Aria and Ezra, but I wanted this chapter to be about Aria finally confronting her problems rather than running away as she usually does. I hope you enjoyed it. There will definitely be much more Ezria in the next chapter. Thank you, I love you all!**

 **-Tasha x**


	9. Only Love

**A/N: I am so sorry that it has been so long since I updated. I am sorry if you have lost interest since the last time, but I had a lot of complications with being able to finally write this chapter. I hope you enjoy it and I will hopefully be updating frequently once again.**

* * *

Chapter 9

Only Love

It was 11 o'clock and I was alone, waiting for Ezra to arrive. Spencer had texted me some words of encouragement, I really wished she could be here the entire time, but I don't think Ezra would appreciate that. I wonder if he planned on turning up right on time or whether he'd be early. I hope early because the anticipation was killing. If he was arriving at noon then I assumed he would be here from either 12 to 1 which gave me enough time to do some research on this 'journalist girlfriend' of his.

I grabbed my mother's laptop and opened it up, thankfully my mother didn't put a code on her laptop otherwise we would have trouble. Ezra worked for Times Magazine so surely that meant that he was somewhat known, right? Wrong. No matter what I typed into Google, there were no signs of Ezra Fitz. I had never had the chance to have Ezra on any social media platforms with him being my teacher for the majority of our relationship, but that didn't stop me from checking up on him. I wasn't a possessive girlfriend, but I was a curious one at times.

I typed in 'Ezra Michael Fitz' into the Facebook search, remembering his name from years ago. I smiled when the first result was a photo of him sticking his middle finger up to the camera, a scowl on his handsome face. I clicked on his profile and opened it to see that he hadn't written much lately, possibly because he was preoccupied with helping his drug addicted ex-girlfriend who constantly ran away. I blushed as I read his most recent status 'The world is thinning and the earth...it's still spinning. My world is thinning and it's all because of one person I'm missing' It wasn't a quote I was familiar with, but Ezra certainly was much more educated on his poetry than I. The status was posted a week before I bulldozed back into his life and I had a feeling that wasn't a coincidence. I smiled to myself at the thought of being his mind, however, all hopefulness left me when something else caught my eye.

A month prior to myself and Ezra's second meet-cute, he posted a picture of himself and a woman who, whether coincidentally or not, shared a similar look to me. Her name was Maria Patterson; she supported long, brown hair that was teased with curls, her eyes were a similar shade to mine, but she was taller and reached up to Ezra's neck. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was, she was most definitely an upgraded version of me. She also seemed to be a close age to the man who stood beside her with his arm secure around her waist, like he used to hold me. I felt as warm tears fell from my eyes, wiping them as soon as I felt them, berating myself for crying over a man who clearly wouldn't do the same for me. A man who is using me to busy himself whilst his beautiful girlfriend is working away. It was clear he was only trying to help me to redeem himself after he left me heartbroken 5 years ago.

I attempted to restrain myself from doing anymore stalking since the heartache already felt too much for me, yet curiosity killed the cat and I continued to scroll through his feed. The next photo was of him and Hardy, with beers in hand, the photo eliciting an unwanted smile as I scanned the familiar face of an old acquaintance. I wasn't even aware they were still in touch. I took a deep breath as I glanced at the photo that resided below it, a photo of my Ezra kissing the same woman from before, the caption 'The love of my life.' That's when the silent tears turned into loud sobs as I pushed the laptop away from me. I thought I was the love of my life.

The excitement I felt about seeing Ezra again had disappeared and all I wanted to do was lock myself in my room and cry all day at the notion that my love is completely unrequited. I wish I could rewind time and go back to the nights in his apartment filled with laughter, kisses, and love making. The times when he would tickle me until I could hardly breath, the times he would profess his love to me in the poetic ways, the times we didn't even need to speak to prove our love, the times when everything was simple and we were two people in love- it was certainly complicated then, but nothing compared to now. I would take dating my teacher over being a drug addicted whore in love with her ex-boyfriend any day.

I fell to sleep in my pool of tears that soon sunk into the pillow under my head, making it uncomfortable and damp. I was abruptly awoken by the sound of my phone ringing on my bedside table, my dreary eyes focused onto to the flashing image of a goofy Ezra on my screen and my heart skipped a beat. I went to answer the phone, but the call had already ended. Noticing the time, I jumped up from my bed and sprinted down the stairs, opening the door without a second thought or a moment to prepare myself.

As soon as I was met by his face again, my breath caught in my throat. He looked different from how I felt him even though it hadn't been that long since I had last seen him. I gazed into those deep blue eyes that were suddenly filled with relief and I had forgotten why I had been crying just an hour ago. All I cared about was the fact he was finally here, the man I missed. My eyes scanned his face as he remained silent, clearly not knowing how to react as nor did I.

As per usual, my attention drifted to his mouth only this time a light stubble surrounded them. He clearly hadn't shaved since I left and, due to the purple circle under his eyes, it was clear he hadn't slept much either. I instinctively reached up to stroke his cheek, feeling the tickle of his whiskers under my palm. I knew that we shouldn't touch like that; we were supposed to remain friends because the random make out sessions clearly wasn't doing either of us any good, but I couldn't contain myself. I had to touch him again.

I could tell that he felt the same as he lightly leant into my touch and a small smile grew on his lips. Before my brain could process, Ezra enveloped me into a tight hug. I froze at the shock of his sudden movements, however I responded as my body caved into his warm body. I loved how his head rested on my shoulder and I could fell his breath fanning the back of my neck. I missed such an intimate embrace; it wasn't one of lust but of care and, in my case, love.

"I thought I lost you." he whispered to me, his voice so fragile I felt as if my hold on him may be able to break him.

His words were still so passionate that it made the tears that were brimming in my eyes to fall. This time they weren't tears of sadness, but of the opposite. It had only been a few days, but it felt like I was really seeing him for the first time since he left me all those years ago.

"You found me." I breathed out as our hold on each other loosened, each of us lost in the contrasting shades of our eyes. His fingers wiped away my fallen tears and I did the same for his. "We still need to talk; do you want to come upstairs?" I offered to which he gave a stern nod as we both released each other and gained our composure.

We entered the room I was staying in and took a seat beside each other on the edge of the bed, our hands in our laps as we sat nervously like it was the first time we had ever been left alone in a bedroom together. The silence grew as we both thought of a way to ask the questions that had been burning our tongue since we had been apart.

"Have you used since you came here?" Ezra eventually asked, glancing in my direction with a look that I couldn't quite decipher, but it didn't seem to be anger- if anything it was fear.

I took a glance towards the bedside table where it once was left, I thought about lying to him, but then I also thought about the photo that, too, laid there. A photo of two people in love, before a time where we were tainted by lies. I diverted my gaze back to Ezra who watched me, waiting my response. I finally gave a sheepish nod as I looked down at my hands that rested between my thighs. I closed my eyes as I awaited Ezra's wrath, but nothing came. I then felt a warms around my back and opened my eyes to see Ezra's arm around me. I smiled up at him and, although I could still see the hint of disappointment in his eyes, I knew he understood. I needed his comfort more than I needed his constant scolding and he finally got that. Yet, it seemed I wasn't aware of that until now either. I rested my head on his shoulder and scooted closer to him as his arm tightened around me.

"I'm sorry." I said in a shaky breath. Ezra didn't respond and instead he kissed the top of my head, and then rested his chin atop of it. I liked to think that was his way of saying he forgave me without words. Sometimes actions spoke louder.

After sitting like that for a few minutes, losing myself in thoughts of a better future for the both of us, I heard the sound come from the laptop that sat behind us, facing the opposite wall. That's when I froze, my heart doing the same. I remembered the real reason I had invited Ezra here, the reason we needed to talk and it was Maria Patterson. I didn't even know what to say. I wasn't even sure if I was angry or hurt. Maybe I was both? Either way I need to know the truth before I allow myself to fall for this man any further.

"Ezra?" I called, breaking him out his own trance as he looked down at me. "Who's Maria Patterson?" I innocently asked, even though I really had a good idea as to who she was. His eyes widened in shock at my question, I was used to this look after years of interrogating Ezra on past lovers.

"Sh-she's my ex-girlfriend." He sorrowfully stated. His devastated tone hurting. Did he still want to be with her? Was I just a rebound? Something to take his mind off of the heart ache he was currently feeling.

"Oh." Was all I could say as I shuffled out of his hold. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched my demeanour change. I guess I was glad that I wasn't an accomplish in his adultery, but it hurt to know that he was possibly still in love with this woman.

"What's wrong? There's nothing going on between us now?" Ezra defended as he stroked Aria's arm in an attempt to comfort her.

"Between who? You and Maria or you and I?" I bitterly questioned as I shrugged away his hold, my sad gaze casted down at my hands once again.

"Maria and I." he hastily responded, the certainty in his voice comforting me in that belief. "I like to think there is something between the two of us…" Ezra timidly admitted as he once again tried to touch my arm, this time I didn't flinch away. All I wanted was answers to tonnes of more questions that this information had elicited.

He answered all my questioned in complete honesty. They had met in a bar in Soho when Ezra was doing one of his public reading; he was attracted to her because she reminded him or Aria. Apparently she wasn't like me in any way other than her looks. She wasn't as passionate, as funny, and as caring. I liked that. I didn't see myself as those things anymore, but I was glad that he still did because I wanted to be those things. They were together for a few months until she called it off.

"Why?" I curiously asked, looking up at him from our new position. He was laying on the bed with his right hand tucked under his head whilst I cuddled into his left side, his arms wrapped around my body, my head rested on his head as I looked up at him, listening intently to every word he said.

"She said I was still in love with someone else." He admitted followed by a breath of relief sigh, his attention was still focused on the white ceiling above us.

"Were you?" I hopefully questioned. He then brought his eyes down to mine and looked at them with pure adoration, a look that used to follow with hours of love making.

"Whenever I looked into her brown eyes, all I saw was you staring back at me. I couldn't help but notice how they didn't contain the same green coating as yours did or how her eyelashes weren't as long. I couldn't help but notice how she wasn't you." He informed me as he stroked my hair, causing me to blush. "So, yes, I suppose I was." he nodded in confirmation. "I still am." His voice came out as a hush and my breath caught in my throat once again.

He loved me too. Tears overwhelmed my eyes as happiness took over my body. I then crawled closer to his face. Our breaths began to come out in pants as I remained close enough to feel them against my face. I stared into his deep blue eyes and smiled to myself. How lucky I am to be loved by Ezra Fitz. I then brought my lips down to his, caressing them into a tender kiss that he immediately responded to. The kiss slowly became hungrier as our tongue slid into each other's mouths and fought with one another in the most beautiful way. I repositioned myself on top of him, straddling his waist as my hand began unbuttoning his shirt, the feeling so familiar to me. Once I had done so, he sat up with me, his arm wrapped around my waist to secure me as he shrugged off his shirt and proceeded to remove my own. This continued until we were both clad by only our underwear. He then rolled us over to that he was hovering above me, looking down at me with his bedroom eyes that always managed to do funny things to my insides, the good kind of funny.

"I love you, Aria." He convicted as his fingers brushed through my hair whilst he held himself up on his other arm.

"I love you too, Ezra." I smiled before I attacked my lips with his, wrapping my arms around his neck.

The next hour was filled with pleasurable moans of each other's names as we gave each other the satisfaction that we both desperately craved. His hand caressing all of the right places whilst my fingers racked his muscular back, feeling every lump and dip under my tips. I knew his body so well that I knew exactly how he would feel and exactly how to bring him the feelings he craved. Nostalgia overwhelmed me as I remembered the first and last time we had ever made love, wishing that there will never be a last time again. I wished I could go back in time and take away all of those nights of loveless lovemaking and just be with him; the only man I ever truly loved.


	10. Promises

Chapter 10

Promises

We laid there with our limb tangled; my head rested on his chest- much like our initial position, minus the clothes. My eyelids began to droop as I fought the sleep that my body desperately craved, exhausted from the hours love making. The most beautiful and meaningful love making I had experienced since the first time I had made love, excluding the blood and pain. I had almost forgotten how beautiful it was to be so intimate with someone who you loved, to share something so special. I was glad he was the first ever person I shared that with because we were in love. I thought it would always be this way. Then everything changed and the act lost it meaning, it was no longer love making; it was just sex.

"Ezra?" He hummed in response as his fingers brushed through my hair, sounding just as tired as I was "did you love her?" I was anxious to ask. I wasn't really sure why I asked, but I did. I didn't even know if I wanted to hear the answer. There was no going back now.

Ezra let out a sigh and shifted below me slightly, I felt as his body tensed and began to worry. That wasn't a good sign. I was calmed as I felt his thumb soothingly rubbing against my naked arm. I then realised that it didn't matter to me anymore. I didn't care whether he loved her because that didn't mean he stopped loving me. You can love two people at once, right? Then again, the thought that his feelings were never unique to me like mine were to him, hurt. To think he said the same loving words to someone else, or made love to someone else, hurt.

"I loved her." He carefully confirmed, it was clear he was unsure of how I would react and whether telling the truth was the right thing. I certainly appreciated it more than I would if he lied, but it still caused a pang of sadness in my gut. "It wasn't the same as the love we share. I love you with every part of my being. I loved you enough to give up the life I had to chase you on you endeavours even if it meant losing the chance to go on my own journey. Our love is one of a kind and I don't think I have or ever will love anyone as much as I love you." He convicted, I never knew he felt such a way, but I definitely believed him because I felt the same.

If we never end up together in the end and I marry another man and him another woman, I could accept it because he will still be love of my life. Everyone deserves one great love and he is mine. Never will anyone love me like Ezra did, sacrificing his life for love, and I the same. Love can't be measured in time, I could love someone for the rest of my life, but it will never be a love as great as ours despite our relationship only lasting 2 years. He will be the second person I think of after I say my vows to another man because he was the first I wanted to marry. He will cross my mind when I pick out names for my baby bump because I will still laugh at the fact he liked the most ridiculous names, or maybe I will consider the name Ezra… for a girl. He will always be in my heart and I will always be in his because he is the only one; my only love.

"I love you." I whispered into his chest before kissing his bare skin, my voice quivering from the intense love I felt for the man lying beneath me.

He tightened his hold around me and kissed my head, "I love you too." He whispered into my hair.

Then my eyes could no longer remain open and soon shut as I succumb to the sleep I craved, knowing I was safe in the arms of the man I loved. I didn't want to sleep, I wanted to stay awake and appreciate every counting second I spent with him like it would be our last. You know life is good when you don't want to sleep because you are already living your dream.

* * *

My eyelids batted open as I heard a sound echo through my room, by the time I processed the sound and realised it was knocking on my bedroom door, it was too late. The door swung open and in strutted my mother, not realising I was lying with Ezra with only a sheet covering our naked bodies. I heard as she let out a gasp and I shot into sitting position, clutching the sheet to my chest as I began spewing apologise to an embarrassed Ella who quickly left the room, closing the door behind her.

I was so stupid. How could I allow myself to sleep so long knowing my mother would be returning so soon? I hit myself in the forehead as I cursed myself before falling back onto the bed and pulling the sheet over my head. God, my mom knows I am having sex. My mom knows I am not a virgin. Sure, she probably had her assumptions, but she now has confirmation. I heard chuckling beside me, thinking Ezra was laughing in his sleep again, I ignored it.

"You're cute when you're embarrassed." Ezra said, his voice almost making me jump out of my skin. I rolled my head over to look at him, slapping him lightly on his arm before groaning as I recounted the humiliating scenario that replayed in my head.

"That was the worst thing that I have ever experienced." I breathed out as I stared up at the ceiling, cringing to myself whilst he laughed at me, lying on his hand as he watched me with amusement.

"I hope you're not talking about the sex." He joked as he stroked my arm; I glanced over to him and rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for joking. I had to go down those stairs sooner or later and face my mother whose mind is probably tainted with the image I had given her only a few moments ago.

"You're laughing now, but you're going to be just as humiliated once we walk down those stares and have to face Mark and Ella." I warned as I climbed out of the bed and began redressing myself. Loving as I felt his eyes wandering over my body.

"Oh, I am humiliated already, but this situation doesn't include Byron and therefore I am also _slightly_ grateful that I am not dead." He light-heartedly explained, finally gaining a laugh from me as I turned to him with a goofy smile and shook my head at his positivity. I leant over the messy bed and placed a kiss on his lips causing Ezra to pout as I pulled away and continued dressing myself.

"Get dressed, Mr Fitz." I playfully commanded with a stern point before I disappeared into my bathroom to fix my hair that was wild from our previous activities.

* * *

 _Ezra's POV:_

I smiled to myself as I watched her retreat into the bathroom. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed as I pulled on my boxers. I thought back over the past few hours and I felt as if I was still dreaming. I couldn't believe this was real; I had finally won over Aria. For years I had thought about this moment and thought about many different scenarios and how it would possibly play out, but nothing beat this. My imagination certainly didn't live up to the reality. The sounds of her moaning much more harmonious than in my mind, her kiss much more passionate, and her body much more perfect.

I shook my head in disbelief before I continued dressing myself, my clothes creased and distorted. I wished I could iron them before I descended to the depths of hell, and by that I mean Ella's living room. This was going to be a conversation that would haunt me for the rest of my life. When I was a teenager, I was used to the birds and the bees talk and the constant reminder to use a condom, but it was a lot worse now that I was a grown man. It was also worse because in the heat of the moment, the last thing on our minds was using a condom. We hardly used a condom in that past years. When you're in love, condoms aren't a necessity. Having a child with Aria was a dream for me, but of course the fact that Aria was in her last year of high school and I could have ultimately ruined her life definitely soured that fantasy. I had made sacrifice before and I certainly would have again. I would work from home and make sure she could go to college so that in the future we could have a better life. Life would have been perfect; if only I stayed.

I was brought out of my thoughts as Aria waltzed out of the room, pulling her hair into a ponytail, a few lose tendril falling at the side of her face. I smiled at the sight before me. She made her way in front of me and took her hand in mine, standing on her tip toes so she was able to place a light kiss on my lips. I could definitely get used to that.

"Are you ready?" She asked as her thumb stroked the back of my hand.

"As ready as I will ever be." I nervously chuckled to which Aria gave me a small comforting smile before she led me out of the room and down the stairs.

As we reached the bottom I could hear Ella and Mark, who I assumed to be her partner, whispering in the living room. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but I had an idea of who it was about; me. Mark had never met me and I was nervous to say the least. If he was anything like Byron I was worried if this evening would end with another fat lip. I took a deep breath and Aria nodded to me. We then rounded the corner and entered the living room, hand in hand. All whispers vanished and both pairs of eyes fell on us. I gave an uncomfortable smile, unsure of what else to do whilst Aria took control of the situation.

"Guys," she began, her cheeks burning red "I am sorry that we… um- ya know- in your guest room. Also, sorry for not telling you I had invited Ezra over while you were at work." Aria rambled on like a teenager who had been caught doing the same thing we just had. The situation was one a teenager usually found themselves in. Sex for adults usually took place in a private place where being walking in on by ones parents was less likely.

"I am also sorry." I finally spoke up, clearing my throat, feeling as though I was partly to blame since sex isn't exactly a one man job.

"We need to talk." Ella said as she gestured for us to sit on the couch opposite the older couple. I nodded and both of us obliged, both of us guiltily approaching the couch. Aria making sure to sit with a significant distance between us, I understood but was also rather hurt by the action. "This is a conversation I probably shouldn't have to have with two adults, but I want to make sure you are being safe because if you aren't together then I don't want you to bring a child into the world out of stupidity."

"We are being safe." Aria quickly clarified as she shot me a warning look, telling me to go along with the lie.

"Good." Ella nodded as she laced her finger together, glancing at Mark with a proud smile. "Ezra, this is Mark and Mark, this is Ezra." Mark leant over the coffee table between us; I absently flinched before he held out his hand for me to shake. I heard as Aria sniggered at my reaction to which I spared her an unamused look before shaking the man's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Ezra." The grey haired man said. His voice soft which definitely calmed my nerves. All I need is another older man who was over protective of Aria, even more so because I am quite a bit older than her.

"You too, Mark." I said with a tight-lipped smile before sitting back on the couch, letting out a breath of relief.

"Guys, I think I am going home." She smiled to the couple before looking over to me and reaching for my hand. "We will definitely be back to visit again, but we need to sort something out." 'We' the word caused a warmth in my stomach as I pictured a life of us being a couple again. Her words gave me so much hope that I couldn't oppress the wide grin that broke out on my face. Did this mean what I thought it meant? Was this the start to rekindling my relationship with Aria?

"That's good to hear." Ella smiled as she nodded at the both of us.

"I'm going to go pack." Aria announced as she stood from the couch, looking down at me as she did so. "Want to help?" She asked as she jutted her head towards the stairs. I didn't reply and instead I stood up, ready to follow her.

"Actually," Ella spoke up, both Aria and I diverting our attention to the middle aged woman in confusion though her expression implied she was serious and rather concerned. "I'd like to speak with Ezra alone for a while."

My heart began racing and my palms began to sweat. I was not great under pressure and I was unsure as to what Aria had even discussed with Ella. Did she know about the drugs, the drinking, and the overall unhealthy lifestyle Aria was currently leading? Could I not tell her? Telling her could be of a lot of help. Aria probably needed her mom at this stage in her life more than she realised, but selfishly I didn't want that. I didn't want her to find out and take Aria away from me. We were finally making progress and eventually she will be back to normal. Would Ella knowing just worry her and make matters worse? Would she just ship her off to the nearest rehab? Something I knew that Aria didn't want. Although, maybe that was what she needed. The consistent slip ups would definitely stop once she was there. I couldn't let her go though. I couldn't lose her again, even if it was only for a couple of months. I can barely function for a couple of days with her gone. Then again, if she doesn't, will I end up losing her forever? This can only go on for so long until something really bad happens and I never get her back.

"Okay." Aria said, sounding uncertain and suspicious of her mother's motives. I shot Aria a worried glance which she returned with a cautionary look and I knew that saying anything will definitely land in me in a bad place with Aria. I had only just got back on good terms with her, I couldn't ruin that.

I took another calming breath before returning to sit on the couch, watching the couple expectantly as they exchanged incoherent words. The next thing I knew, Mark stood up from the couch giving me a smile before leaving the living room so that I was alone with Aria's mom. Ella used to be my colleague and we had often shared private conversations, conversations that had usually made me feel slightly on edge as I was constantly making sure I didn't slip up about Aria being my girlfriend, but this was different. This almost felt bigger.

"Ezra, what is going on with Aria?" Ella asked. Her voice was filled with worry and sadness.

I felt bad for the unknowing woman before me. There must be nothing worse than being in the dark when there was clearly something big going on for your child. In that moment I felt that I should tell her, she deserved to know, but Aria also deserved her privacy. Aria was a 24 year old woman and her mother didn't have the right to know everything in her life, but this was big. This wasn't just that she didn't want her mother to know she was sexual active or that she occasionally got so drunk that she could hardly see; this was drugs, the dangerous kind. If one day Aria goes too far and ends up in a critical condition, I will never forgive myself knowing that her mother was none the wiser that this was even a possibility or that she didn't get the chance to help. I still couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't betray Aria's trust again when I had only started to gain it back.

"I'm sorry Ella; it's not my business to tell." I regretfully informed her. Her eyes began to fill with tears as she gave a sorrowful nod. "I just want you to know she will be fine. I will make sure of it." I promised the mother of the woman I loved as I leant over and place a comforting hand on top of hers. I noticed as a tear fell from her eyes and felt so guilty, but I was in two minds.

"Thank you, Ezra." she sniffled as she looked up to give me a sad smile. "I trust you."

Those three words were words I never thought I would hear from Ella's mouth, well, not directed at me anyway. Trust for the older man who 'took advantage' of her daughter. The colleague who had gone behind her back and had a secret relationship with her daughter, my student. I didn't think I deserved her trust, but that didn't mean I was going to break it. I wasn't just doing this for her, Katie, and myself; I was doing it for the beautiful brunette who I was in love with. This was all for Aria.

Aria eventually returned down to the bottom of the foyer. She gave me a questioning look and I nodded to her, a smile grew on her face and she mouthed me a 'thank you.' Ella turned her head around the corner and saw the petite girl in the corridor holding a suitcase, her eyes seeming disappointed as they fell on the object. It was evident that Ella didn't want Aria to leave. I understood how she felt; I never want Aria to leave me as well. She had that effect on people.

Aria gave her mom and Mark her goodbyes, hugging Ella so tight it looked as if she was going to break the woman who was just as small as Aria was. I, too, said my goodbyes, feeling guilty for taking Aria away from the people who were desperate to have her stay. I knew that she would return soon because I would be with her, and I was going to pride her through the familiar streets of Rosewood. She would be back here and she will be clean and happy. Hopefully then the fourth finger on her left hand would no longer be bare.

* * *

 **Thank you for the reviews and for reading. I am trying to get back into a routine of writing, it's quite hard since I haven't written in a while, but I want to finish this story and I have a clear idea of how I want it to pan out. I just hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you!**

 **\- Tasha x**


	11. Cry a River Over Me

Chapter 11

Cry a River Over Me

It was strange; this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was no longer one of emptiness, but it was full of butterflies and feelings that I couldn't quite describe. A sense of settlement and comfort that I hadn't felt in longer than I cared to admit, long enough for me to even remember the feeling existed until now. Until I sat here in his arms, chewing on salted popcorn, watching 'It Happened One Night', and just being. I hadn't just been in a while, my head constantly filled with worrying thoughts that, now I had him, seemed so pathetic and irrelevant. However, there was still one thing that played on my mind. Something I longed desperately to forget, but knew I couldn't do so until I confronted him. Why did he leave me?

It was fun playing pretend, acting as if I was back in high school and cradled in the arms of my English teacher, but I wasn't. I was sat with a man that had basically become a stranger to me over the years. He was still the same in many aspects, but the man I loved would have never left me… or so I thought. Meaning that, technically, he was a stranger to me the whole time because he clearly wasn't the man I thought he was.

I wanted to ask him, I wanted to press pause on this façade and just ask him why he had done so. But there was a part of me that didn't want this to change. What if I didn't like the answer? What if he just no longer wanted me? Deep down I hoped that wasn't true, but the excuses that I had conjured up in my mind in times like these never seemed plausible- it was too far fetch to assume he was kidnapped.

I heard the sound of snoring from behind me as I noticed that his secure arms fell lose around me. My thoughts fleeing to the back of my mind, as they usually did, once I was brought back to the now. I twisted to face him, wanting not to disturb his sleep. I loved tired Ezra; he was the cutest form. I brushed the tips of my fingers over his cheek, delicately and smiled to myself. I still loved him in his faults as he did in mine. Why did it matter why he left before if he was with me now? That's at least what I told myself.

"I love you." I whispered as I placed a ghost of a kiss on his cheek.

"I love you too." He murmured. I leant away from him slightly, eying him suspiciously. Was he pretending to be a sleep? My question was answered when he let out a groan due to his uncomfortable position. "I don't want to stroke the pig." He pouted in his sleep. I had an idea who the 'pig' was a reference to- my very own Pigtunia. He was not fond of my furry puppet friend, often referring to her as 'cockblock.' I chuckled and shook my head at him. I truly loved him… more than anything. Even Pigtunia.

The credits began to roll on the screen and I sat up, stretching my arms as I let out a yawn. I grabbed the remote control and turned off the television before standing up from the couch and turning to look down at the sleeping Ezra. I bent down, so I was eye level with him and lightly ran my fingers through his hair to softly bring him from his sleep.

"Ezra, babe, I'm going to bed." I sweetly informed him, much like how a mother tells there tired child that it was time for bed.

His eyes shot open and portrayed deep confusion as he searched his surroundings, softening as they landed onto mine. He gave me a drowsy smile and clumsily nodded his heavy head.

"I'm coming with you." He confirmed. His words so familiar to me, reminding me of a time when going to bed meaning that we weren't going to sleep separately and instead spent the night wrapped in each other's sweaty embrace. No sex, Ezra just got extremely hot during his sleep- in both senses of the word.

After a few more seconds passed, Ezra readied his half-sleeping body to stand and retreat from the living room. We strolled into the hallway, I was about to pass Ezra's bedroom door before turning to wish him a goodnight and pressing a quick kiss on his lips; so quick that he didn't have the chance to respond. I then turned to continue the short few steps to my bedroom door when I felt Ezra's grip around my forearm. I turned and gave him a perplexed look, his smirk already answering the question I was about to ask. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"Why not? We've already slept together in more than one sense of the word." He light-heartedly pleaded as he pouted his lips at me.

I thought about it for a moment. Not sure whether this was moving too fast. Of course, I had already had sex with him. This was different though. I now found sharing a bed, and just sleeping, much more intimate than the act of sex. I had sex with many men, didn't mean I was attending their house every night for a slumber party. He wasn't 'many men' though, he was Ezra Fitz.

"Okay." I replied, my voice so delicate that it came out as barely as whisper. His pout instantly transformed into a gleaming smile as he led me into his bedroom. I glanced at his bed and felt a knot form in my stomach, a knot I hadn't expected. Yet, the thought that I he had shared that bed with another woman certainly made me uncomfortable- this was their sacred ground, not ours. "Actually, I'm going to sleep in the guest room." I guiltily said to which he responded with a questioning look. As if he could read my expression, he had a look of instantly understanding.

"Aria, when I said that I hadn't had any other women in this house- except my mother, I meant it." He assured me with a promising smile, his hand still holding mine. "I moved here after we broke up. This bed isn't mine and Maria's; it's mine and only mine."

"I wish you were mine and only mine." I regretfully muttered, unaware the words were even going to slip from my mouth until it was too late.

A frown grew on his face as he nodded, "I wish the same."

"I am only yours." I argued back, my voice not angry, but rather hurt by his accusation. I had yet to be in a relationship since Ezra- he had been in one, a serious one.

"Mine and every other guy in New York City." He bitterly scoffed; his eye widened once realising his slip. I wasn't sure if it was because he didn't mean the words he had said or whether he just didn't mean for them to be heard by me, but that didn't change the fact that for even a split second it had crossed his mind.

"This is different. Sex is different. You were in love with this woman." I spat, tears filling my eyes as I was overwhelmed with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"I loved her. I was not in love with her." He corrected with the stern point of his finger, our hands no longer connected. "And sex is not different."

"Sex is so fucking different. Sex means nothing." I shouted as I crossed my arm across my chest, unaware as to why his face filled with sadness suddenly at my words.

"So, did last night mean nothing to you?" He asked as he stared at the wall behind me. He couldn't even bare to look at me, but that wasn't what I had intended. I loved him, maybe stupidly, but last night definitely did not mean 'nothing' to me. Last night had meant everything.

"That's not what I said." I sighed in irritation at his ability to turn me into the bad guy.

"But it's what you implied." He shot back.

"The same way you implied I was a slut." I barked, he opened his mouth to rebuke my argument, but I didn't want to hear it. I wasn't going to stand here and be accused of such heinous things. "This is ridiculous, Ezra. All of this pretending everything is fine when it's clearly not." I huffed, tired of the constant arguing and bickering. It wasn't worth it all. Another fight could lead me in a place I wasn't planning on going. A dark place that was tempted by negative thoughts of Ezra.

"What are you saying?" Ezra asked, his voice conveying much less than his expression that displayed his worry at my words. This was how it was every time we broke up over stupid things, but I couldn't break up with someone I wasn't with.

"I can't do this." I cried, gesturing between the two of us. "I can't stay here and pretend everything is fine. I need time on my own. I shouldn't have come back here with you." I then turned and walked toward the door, attempting to leave the room when I felt a grip around my forearm again- a grip much tighter than the one before.

"Don't say that." He demanded. His voice was full of rage whilst his eyes spilled over with tears.

The first time I had ever really seen Ezra cry over me. The type of tears that burnt your cheeks and made your eyes red, the type of tears that was desperate. They made my stomach twist with guilt, but I couldn't let it get to me. I had cried a river over Ezra throughout the years, but they never brought him back. I wasn't going to be the one that was constantly weak and vulnerable anymore. I was going to be strong for myself.

"Aria," He desperately called as I turned to leave again, trying to pull from his hold. "I can't lose you again." He said, almost chocking on his tears.

"Again?" I aggressively asked as I span around to face him, not fazed by his broken look. "You never lost me before, Ezra, you threw me away. Remember that." I said threw gritted teeth as I managed to pry my arm from his grasp.

"I had no choice." He shouted. His words grabbing my undivided attention. No choice? Of course he had a choice… unless my kidnapped theory was right. "I would never leave you like that Aria; I thought that somewhere deep down you would know that and maybe you'd piece the puzzle yourself." He sighed, clearly exhausted with our argument. I remained silent, watching him intently as I waited for him to elaborate.

"It was A."

* * *

 **The burning question was finally answered! I knew I wanted it to be A the entire time, I couldn't find any other reason excusable. This chapter was quite short because I wanted to leave it on somewhat of a cliff hanger, but I do intend to continue it. I have recently been very busy with school and I am aware that isn't the best excuse, but it has certainly made this more difficult. Who knew college would require so much homework?! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will update sooner than I have been recently, well I hope to since I have been inspired by a few new songs.**

 **P.s. I am writing a new fanfiction about Aria and Ezra's life when living together whilst she is attending college, there is obviously more to it since I love drama, but my priority is finishing this story and hopefully continuing Fear and Loathing, but I usually have to be in a sardonic mind-set when writing that one.**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **\- Tasha x**


	12. The Last Strike

Chapter 12

The Last Strike

"A?" I asked, my breath seeming scarce as the revelation reeled over and over in my head. "What do you mean A?"

He took a hold of my shaking hand and led me over to the bed where he sat next to me, my eyes boring into his red, puffy ones. His teeth grazed against his top lip as prepared himself to explain to me what exactly he meant when he said the reason he had to leave was because of my ex-stalker.

He took a deep breath and stared down at our connecting hands, "It was just after you got taken to that doll house." he said the words with such anger and distaste that it made my stomach tie into knots. I spent a lot of my time trying to forget that place; it was much easier to do so when I also was trying to forget about him. He was a lot more difficult to forget. "I got something in the post a few weeks after, it was a photo of you asleep in your room and… she was there." He continued, pausing to swallow the lump that formed in his throat. "She was in your room." he closed his eyes and shook his head as if to rid the image of me in such a vulnerable state. "There was a letter attached to it, telling me what I had to do if I wanted to keep you safe. I-I had to move back to New York City and sell my apartment. I wasn't allowed to have any communication with you, I was only allowed to leave a letter saying that I wanted to leave you… not that I was being forced." He looked back up to me with a sad pursed-lipped smile and allowed a tear to escape his eyes. "I didn't want to leave you."

I wasn't sure whether I believed it in that moment, for a second it all seemed to farfetched for me to process. Then again, I was kidnapped and put in a room that was an exact replica of mine, A was capable of anything. It still hurt that he had left, especially since A was arrested only a few weeks after. It seemed like the end of the world for me then, but the silver lining to that grey cloud was the end of A. Charlotte was taken by police and we were no longer string puppets in A's game. I wouldn't mind having to endure more of A's torture as long as I still had Ezra, he was there every step of the way and I never got to experience a normal relationship with him without all the complications that A had brought. I was still angry though, I didn't understand why he didn't come back for me sooner.

"You could've come back once they caught her." I shook my head in disbelief, tears unknowingly falling from my eyes as I tried desperately to piece the puzzle together, but Ezra was the only one who had possession of the pieces that I had lost over the since he left.

"I did. I came back to visit you whilst you were attending Hollis. You were with a boy and you seemed… happy. You were happy without me and I didn't want to come back and ruin that. I had ruined enough of your life already. We agreed that being apart whilst you were at college was a good thing." Ezra explained with regret.

His words only seemed to anger me further; once again he was making decisions for me. If only he would've come up to me, spoke to me for even 10 minutes, I would have put all my doubts to rest. I would've understood why he left and then I could've decided whether I wanted to continue on my life with or without him. I would've undoubtedly chosen with because a life without him was torture I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

"You had no right Ezra!" I seethed, glaring at him with cold eyes. My reaction only seemed to surprise him as he looked up at me with his doe eyes, silently asking me to explain my anger. "You always make my decisions for me. I had a right to know you were safe even if it were just for peace of mind. I can't believe you allowed me to spend years thinking tha-that you never loved me." In that instance I burst into a flood of tears, recounting the countless nights I spend crying over him, the times I woke from nightmares calling his name. He could've put that to an end, but he allowed me to continue on in so much pain because he thought it was best for me.

"I'm so sorry." He desperately pleaded as he feverishly wiped the tears from my eyes, his hands gently cupping my face. "If I knew this would lead you like this then I wouldn't have done it, I promise you. I just thought you didn't need me anymore."

A silence arose between the both of us as I stared at his blankly. I couldn't quite believe all of this. Four years of heartbreak that could have been avoided because once again he made decisions for me. Yet, I couldn't find the anger in me anymore. This information just exhausted me, everything was becoming too much for me to handle.

"Why did you come back for me now? After all of this time why did you think now would be okay?" I asked as I removed his hands from my face. This all didn't add up to me. If he thought coming back into my life would ruin it then why did he have a sudden change of heart.

"Well, I-I it wasn't really my decision exactly." He warily explained to me, his guilty eyes staring down at my hands. My eyes narrowed onto the side of his face as I waited for him to elaborate. "I was going to be writing an article on Kate, that much was true, but I didn't miraculously find you on her Instagram page… Kate must've recognised my name and one night she called me, she pleaded me to meet up with you again. I was reluctant at first, but then as soon as she mentioned you being in some kind of trouble, I hoped maybe I could help you." Finally he lifted his eyes to mine and I could no longer oppress the sobs that escaped my lips.

"You- You lied to me, again. So, I guess this was just some project to help rid you of your guilt of leaving me!" I shouted as I abruptly stood up from the bed. "Fuck you, Ezra!"

"Aria, it's not how it sounds." His desperate voice croaked.

"Were you still with your girlfriend the day we met at the coffee house?" I aggressively questioned though deep down I already knew the answer, the silence that echoed throughout the room just solidifying my doubts and breaking my heart into a million pieces. "What else did you lie about, Ezra? We're you lying when you said she didn't sleep in this bed? When you said you cared about me? When yo-you said you loved me?" I couldn't prevent my voice from quivering as the final words escaped my lips. Ezra jumped up from the couch and approached me with a look of sheer determination.

"No, this is my own apartment. Aria, I've never lied to you, not once, about how I feel about you." His words evoking a memory, reminding me of the many times he had broken me. This would be the last. This would be the last of my time spent with Ezra Fitz. Love can't heal all wounds, especially when he is the one who is always holding the gun.

I shook my head at him before running out of the door as fast as I could, I heard as he called my name but the calls disappeared into the distance once I stood outside of his apartment building. My tears faded into the onslaught of rain that attacked my body. I was thankful that my keys remained in my pocket as I ran towards my car where I cried until there were no more tears left. My sadness soon transformed into rage and I knew there were a few more stops I had to make before I left this place for good…

* * *

I banged my fist against my apartment door, glancing down at my watch in hope she would be awake, if she wasn't I had no problem waking her. Soon the door swung open to a perplexed, tired Kate whose face softened at the sight of my drenched state. She went to speak but I held up my hand to silence her, the resentment in my face becoming clear to her.

"You had no fucking right to do that." I seethed. "You had no right to bring him back into my life without my permission."

"Aria, you needed closure and I knew you would say no if I had asked you." She feebly defended, knowing exactly what I was talking about without me having to go into much detail. "You were on a downward spiral and I had exhausted all resources I had to stop you hitting rock bottom."

"Clearly your last hope didn't work much either!" I barked, my booming voice making her flinch, her eyes tightly closing as tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Look at me!" I demanded, she slowly opened her eyes and scanned over my body. "This is rock bottom." I croaked whilst muffling the sobs with my hand as I slowly broke down onto the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Aria. We can help you, he isn't out last hope." She attempted to comfort, kneeling down beside me, but I didn't want to hear it as I agitatedly shook my head at her.

"I don't want your help. I'm going home and I'm never coming back. Don't send a search party because I'm not lost." I spat before composing myself and storming away from Kate while she watched me walk away, unable to speak.

* * *

Then there was my last stop, the place that all roads seemed to lead to, my flowery hell: Monika's apartment. She opened the door, her cheery face instantly falling at the sight of me. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and aided me into her apartment as my body involuntarily shivered. She sat me down on her famous white leather couch, without saying a word, before disappearing into one of the rooms that Aria had never dared enter; Monika was private with things like that. She returned with a pair of Pyjamas and a woolly blanket. The sight of such dry clothes warmed me slightly. I licked my purple lips before thanking her and proceeding to change into the clothes that she had provided, and then draped the blanket around my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" She concernedly asked as she gently rubbed my arm that until that moment had felt numb. I could hardly speak, the words just eliciting more tears that I no longer had the energy to hold back. I shook my head in answer to her question. "What happened?"

"People just keep lying to me, treating me as if I were made of porcelain." I breathed out.

"It's going to be okay, Aria. I know you're stronger than they think." She smiled at me, her words surprising me as my tears came to a sudden halt.

I didn't think Monika had really seen me much until this moment; I didn't think she noticed anything more than herself, but she did. I wondered if she saw me as more that what I saw myself, if she saw me as a friend.

"Let me fix you some hot chocolate or something." She politely offered as she stood up from the couch and headed to the couch.

"Actually, have you got anything stronger? I have a 200 hundred dollars in my purse."

I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as she turned to face me with a look of sadness, the most emotion I had ever seen in Monika. I knew why. She had thought I had gone to her as a friend rather than a dealer and the whole time that's all she wanted from me; friendship. All the drugs were her way of trying to build a friendship with me the only way she knew how. I just wish I had known that before now.

She gave nodded and went to retrieve the substance. She returned and handed into me while I took the money from my purse and handed it to her. I smiled and shrugged the blanket from my shoulders.

"Thank you, for everything." I solemnly said as I gathered her into a hug that she hesitantly responded to.

"Please be careful." She whispered to me. "There's a thin white line between life and death."

* * *

 **Well, I hope you enjoyed. I wouldn't say this is my best chapter, but I had already written it and my computer decided to fuck up so I couldn't save it, so I apologise if it seems messy or rushed. Thank you for reading and for the reviews. Love you guys!**

 **\- Tasha x**


	13. Lights Out

Chapter 13

Lights Out

The world was slower, the hard floor felt like a bed of pillows, and I was comfortably numb. There was a moment when I was sure I heard him, I was sure I heard him calling my name, but then it was went blank. It was like I had fallen asleep, but I wasn't dreaming. There was no feeling, no bright light; just darkness… nothingness.

* * *

 _Ezra's POV:_

"How could this happen?" I growled as I burst through the white double doors, pacing aggressively to the room where Aria lay unconscious with Kate following my tail, unable to reply through her uncontrollable sobs and hiccups.

I reached the room that the nurse had kindly directed me towards. I came to halt and stood in the cold corridor, staring into the rectangular window on the door that displayed my Aria among the sheets of white. To anyone looking in, she could just be sleeping peacefully like the many times she had done in my arms. I knew different though, even if I wished it really was how it looked. I ran a hand over my face before bowing my head when my rage turned into grief. My body rocked with the sobs that escaped my lips, a hand gently resting on my shoulder offered me the only support that Kate could offer as she stood in the same despondent state.

Finally, I gathered myself and took a deep breath, noticing as Ella sat in the chair beside her daughter in a sea of tears. I had to be strong for her, for everyone, but especially for Aria. I carefully entered the room, not wanting to startle Ella. Kate followed behind, standing so close to me that I almost felt like I was guiding a shy toddler into preschool. This was Kate's first time meeting Ella and, under the circumstances, I knew that a layer of guilt surfaced in her- I knew because I felt it too. We were supposed to be her protectors and we let her down.

"Is she okay?" I whispered to Ella, as if a louder volume could possibly wake Aria from her sleep. I wished it was that easy.

Ella gave me a sad smile as another flood of tears threatened her eyes, "I don't know."

My body tensed at her words, not able to supress my own tears as I approached Aria's bed. I knelt on the opposite side to Ella and took Aria's hand in mine; her hand no longer decorated with extravagant jewellery but instead was laced with wires. I had never touched anything so gently, as if a touch any harsher could damage her porcelain skin. I rested my head against it, shaking it as I recounted the past events. I knew this was all my fault. I had worried about losing Aria; little did I know I was the one pushing her away.

"I'm so sorry. I love you so much." I whispered to her, my grip tightening slightly in the hope it would elicit a reaction like I had seen in the movies. This wasn't a movie though, I knew that, yet I couldn't help but hope for a happy ending. They just didn't seem to happen in my world.

The creaking of the door opening gained my attention; a nurse sheepishly entered with an apologetic smile and walked over to Aria, checking her heart monitor that seemed to beat agonisingly slowly. I was just thankful it was beating at all.

When I got that phone call only an hour prior, I wasn't sure what to expect. The doctor on the phone introduced himself and I had a vague idea that the news wasn't going to be great, the Doctor's cautious and fragile tone just reinforced his initial thoughts.

"Mr Fitz, something has happened to Miss Montgomery. It seems to be a substance overdose; she's currently in a critical condition. Her mother insisted we contact you." The Doctor informed me.

In that moment, time froze around me. Our life together flashed before my eyes. I remembered her smile so vividly that it instantly hit me that I might never see it again. I thought about how I would go back if could, I would go back to the last time she smiled at me and I would live in that moment forever. I thought about all the harsh things I had ever said to her and the way we left thing and how I would take it all back if I could. I thought about the life we were yet to have and how I had ruined all our chances. Not only did I ruin the chance of me ever having a life with Aria, I put risk to the chances that Aria would continue to have a life, with or without me.

I sat beside her for hours, just watching her, searching for a hint of movement in her face. I stared at her eyebrows and remembered the crease that used to form between them when we argued, I stared at her nose and remember how it would crinkle when she was about to sense, and I stared at her lips and remembered how soft they were and how sweet they used to taste. How could I do this to someone I loved so dearly? I would do anything to have her back. I would do anything to argue with her again, to laugh with her again, to cry with her again, and to make love to her again. I knew that even if I never saw her again, in the possibility that she does wake up, I will just be happy to know that she's alive somewhere, walking around and having dreams and thoughts. That's what kept me going before, the thought that even without me she still had a life.

The tranquil silence arose as Ella fell asleep in the opposing chair and Kate had gone to find the coffee machine. It was approaching 8 o'clock and I knew soon I'd have to part with her, but I didn't want to and the thought of being without her for even a minute scared me. I worried that something could happen whilst I was gone. If I wasn't with her through whatever happens then I would never forgive myself. What if she woke up? How could I not be there for her when she wakes up?

The silence was broken when the door to the room swung open by a strong hand. I froze as Byron's face came into picture and he charged towards me in a fit of rage. I remained completely still as I watched Aria's father approaching me with a clear plan to harm me in some way, which was made clear by the clenched fist at his right side. I didn't dare to protect myself, if anything, I deserved worse than a punch to the face. I deserved to be in critical condition, not Aria.

Then, a fist flew to my nose with such strength that it knocked me from the chair. I sat on the floor, shocked by the unbelievable pain that shot through my nose. I didn't say a word, instead I wiped the blood that dripped from my nostrils on my tattered grey hoodie and stood up. Ella sat with her mouth agape, disorientated by the sudden loud noises that woke her. Her head shot from me to Byron.

"What are you doing?" She shouted to Byron as she marched over to me and analysed my already swelling nose. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I dismissed with the wave of my hand, though it was clear by the amount of blood that I was not fine.

"I'll call a nurse." Ella insisted.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to leave Aria." I protested. The thought of having to leave her any sooner than necessary made tears well in my eyes.

"You did this to my daughter." Byron sudden shouted over to me. "I knew you were no good for her. You should have stayed out of her life!"

"I know! I fucking know that." I shouted back, my rage only directed towards myself. "I can't do anything now."

"I want you out of this room." Byron seethed, pointing towards the door where Kate now stood frozen with a cup of coffee in her trembling hand.

"Byron." Ella warned.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." I sighed. "I'm not leaving Aria's side."

The arguing came to a sudden halt as the nurse entered the room. The tension was still completely undeniable. The nurse was evaluating Aria's process, or lack of, before she turned over to face me, Byron, and Ella. She let out a gasp once she caught sight of the blood that flooded from my throbbing nose that travelled past my mouth and dripped from my chin onto my hoodie. I could taste as the metallic-tasting blood entered my mouth through my tight lips, but I didn't care. I was not leaving this room. I needed to be here for her because I certainly failed at that before.

"What's happened?" She worrisomely asked as she approached me whilst blood continued to profusely leave my nose.

"Spontaneous nose bleed." I feebly lied as I shrugged off the whole incident. "I'll just need some tissue." I excused myself and entered the bathroom that was connected to the ward.

I stared at myself in the mirror of the bathroom, shocked by the sight that I had subjected myself to. No wonder everyone was making such a big deal, I looked like I had endured five rounds with Mike Tyson. It was pretty evident that Byron had a mean punch and I was pretty glad that it had been Mike who had hit me all those years ago.

I ran the cool water from the sink and splashed it over my face to rid all the blood that would otherwise stain, wincing at the pain that it evoked. I then grabbed the tissue and stuffed it up my nostril. I left the bathroom to find that the ward was empty, all except Aria of course. I glanced up to the wall clock that read it was 15 minutes passed 8. I furrowed my brown in confusion as I approached Aria's bed, expecting to be told to leave soon enough. Suddenly I caught sight of a note that rested in the chair that I had previously been sitting in.

'Ezra,

Mark is meeting me in New York later this evening and so I booked into a hotel across the street. I think it is best if you stay with Aria for tonight.

Take good care of my baby and contact me as soon as anything happens.

Thank you.

Ella x'

I was stunned, never would have I expected this response from Ella. I was surprised that she wasn't just as furious as Byron was, if not more. I had spoken to Ella, I had the opportunity to tell her the truth rather than her having to receive a phone call in the middle of nowhere about her daughter's drug over dose. It wasn't fair.

I took the opportunity that she had granted me with, though, and returned to my seat. There wasn't much chance of me sleeping tonight, all I wanted to do was watch over her. I wanted to ensure that she was okay, that she wouldn't leave me in the night or that she wouldn't wake up alone. I couldn't miss anything; I had to fight for her.

* * *

I shot up at the sound of someone entering the room, not aware that I had fallen asleep. It was the nurse from earlier, the one who had seen my bloody nose and also given me directions to Aria's ward. My tense body relaxed once I had seen who it was and I resumed my uncomfortable position on the chair. I was about to close my eyes and allow the sleep to take over, unable to fight it any longer, when the nurse began speaking.

"Is she your sweetheart?" The nurse asked, only now did I hear the woman's sweet southern accent. I was so caught up with all the drama from before that I hadn't noticed it; it was a very comforting accent. The type you'd want to read you to sleep.

"Yep." I proudly smiled as my eyes roamed over Aria's beautiful face.

"We have a fold up bed outside, but I won't say anything if you want to lay with her for a while." She sweetly offered as she made notes of her clipboard.

"Really?" I smiled up to her, surprised by her friendly gesture.

She nodded and glanced down to gaze at Aria's blank face, "I know what it's like to see someone you love suffering and not be able to touch them. It's probably one of the worst feelings in the world." The nurse sorrowfully admitted as she frowned down at Aria's state. "I'll be back soon to check for any signs of process. Have a good night, Sir."

The nurse left the room and I glanced to the door that she left through, noticing the fold-out single bed that was folded up and leaning against the wall beside the door. I wasn't sure if I wanted to lie beside her, she was surrounded by tubes and I didn't want to do anything even more detrimental to her. I wanted to be close to her though, more than anything in the world. The thought that this may be the last time I can get close to her, the last time I'll feel her warm skin against mine, the last time I will be able to sleep beside her and feel her beating heart.

I pushed my cautions aside and stood up from the chair as I manoeuvred myself beside her, careful not to pull out any wires. Her body felt exactly the same, her skin wasn't as warm, but it was still her skin, she was still there somewhere among it all. Just knowing she was still here with me was enough for me to feel at ease, I kept acting like she was already gone when really she was still here. It was just like she was just sleeping in my arms again; reminding me of the first night I ever spent with her in my arms.

* * *

 _Aria rested her head against my chest as we watched Goodfellas, it was my movie choice this weekend, and naturally she began to drift asleep in my arms. I loved feeling her body become limp beside me as she nuzzled further into my chest, she made sure not to face me because it was likely on my movie night that she would fall asleep half way through the film. I did the same on her movie nights._

 _This night was different though. This was the first weekend we had spent together since I had started working at Hollis; this was our first weekend together as a- relatively- normal couple. There was something else different about this night though. We had spent our evening with a romantic candle lit meal and sort of lost track of time, it was now pushing 11:30 and I was sure Aria's curfew was at 12. I didn't want to wake her though because she looked so angelic in her sleep, her lips partially parted as she blew out puffs of air, her eyelids flickering slightly from her dream, and her lashes resting upon her rosy cheeks. I knew that I didn't want her to leave me, I never did, but tonight I was actually going to do something about it._

 _"Aria," I softly whispered into her ear, gently bringing her from her sleep._

 _She hummed a response as she stirred in my arms; her eyes were wide at the surprise of falling asleep._

 _"It's 11:30." I calmly told her._

 _"What?" She gasped as she jumped up from beside me and began searching for the shoes that had scattered somewhere on the floor._

 _"Hey, hey." I called as I placed my hands on her shoulders to relax her and pull her back towards me. She looked at me, clearly bemused by my gesture. "I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night?" I hopefully offered._

 _My question making her eyes bulge. I knew this would shock her since we had discussed a 'no sleepovers until she was 18' rule when we started getting serious, it was agreed upon by the both of us- Aria much more grudgingly. Tonight was different though, tonight she wasn't my student and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level._

 _"But I'm not 18." Was all Aria managed to say as her jaw dropped open from her utter surprise._

 _"I know." I chuckled "This isn't about sex, Aria, but I thought it be nice for us to take our relationship to the next level." I timidly shrugged, becoming embarrassed by my choice of words. 'Next level'? What was I? A 15 year old girl?_

 _"I-I think that's a good idea because I'm too tired to lose my virginity tonight." Aria playfully huffed as she relaxed beside me, resuming her initial position whilst I laughed at her comment._

 _..._

 _Aria nervously crawled to the wall side of the bed with a coy smile as she watched me enter the bed beside her, both of us clad in minimal clothing; we both wore one of my old shirts and a pair of my boxer shorts. Aria found the idea that my boxers fit her like shorts to be hilarious, whereas I found it to be adorable. I shivered as my cold body began to warm and she laughed before edging closer to me. Our faces were eventually positioned only centimetres away from each other and Aria leant forward to place a chaste kiss on my lips._

 _"Goodnight, Ezra." She whispered. Her face so close to my own that I could almost taste the mistiness of her freshly brushed teeth. "I love you."_

 _"I love you too." I responded and returned a kiss before she rolled over to face the brick wall._

 _My arm slivered around her waist and pulled her closer to me, her back coming into contact with my front. The warmth of her body beside mine was so comfortable that I could die in her arms and I wouldn't mind. I took a deep, content breathe and engulfed her sweet smell of perfume before placing a kiss on the back of her neck and nuzzling my head closer to her until I finally fell into a deep sleep. I didn't need sex; this was intimate enough for me. I just wanted to be close to her and I had never felt closer to her until that very moment._

* * *

"I love you." I whispered into her ear before placing a kiss to her pale cheek.

I missed hearing the words returned to me and my heart couldn't help but ache at the painful silence. I then allowed the tears that had been pinching at my eyes to fall as I fell into a deep sleep; dreaming of Aria.

Do you ever ask yourself how you got where you are now? Wonder where it all went wrong? Where that significant turning point happened in your life that turned it all upside down? I had a well-paid job, I graduated with honours, I had a nice, cosy apartment, and most importantly, I had her. I wished I could rewind time and go back to the days when everything was simpler, where I could lay with Aria in my arms and not worry that she wouldn't wake up. I would never have left her if I knew this is where I would end up. I can't lose her.

* * *

 **A/N: I must regrettably inform you that it is nearing the end of my story. Sorry, once again for the inconsistent updates, my only excuse is my writing has been really poor latterly, but I'm feeling okay about this chapter. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading and reviewing, it means a lot!**

 **\- Tasha x**


	14. Memory Lane

Chapter 14

Memory Lane

The air was crispy as I walked down the streets of New York; it was approaching Christmas time. I had always found peace walking towards time square during this time of year; it was so Christmassy that it had a way of eliciting some childish hope for the near future, this time was different. There was no hopefulness as I stumbled down these streets, I was as bitter as the air that surrounded me. It had been two days since Aria was admitted to the hospital after over indulging in a habit I had failed to lure her off of. The likeliness of Aria recovering was getting thinner, as was my patience, and my will to live.

I couldn't be hopeful about Christmas with the suffocating thought that Aria may never experience one again. The thought that, instead of celebrating by an open fire, the Montgomery's will spend their holiday mourning their daughter because I had failed her. I had failed them all. If only I'd have been truthful with her from the start we wouldn't be in this position.

I couldn't help but dwell on all the plans me and Aria once mad on nights like these, nights where the sky was white with the threat of snow, and our only saviour from the frosty air that seeped through the cracks of my apartment window was my worn-out, knitted blanket. We would talk about what we wanted in life, unaware that plans were more of a wish though we spoke about them as if they were set in stone. We were so certain that we would end up together, that we would die old and grey in each other's arms. Now, I couldn't think of anything more unrealistic, but at the time it felt like a given.

The fact that Aria would maybe never get to cradle her first born baby in her arms, walk down the aisle looking beautiful in a white dress, or even settle down and find someone to love for the rest of her life made me feel weak. I didn't deserve any of those things if Aria couldn't experience them. I deserved to be where she was now. She made mistakes, but she was a good person. A good person who deserved to live a long and loving life.

I eventually reached the jewellers that I had been walking to and stared in the window at a ring that rested in a glass case. It was so perfect, so unique, and so Aria. I had initially travelled here in the hopes to buy her a Christmas present to feed the small shred of hope I had that she would make it. It was a necklace with a 'A' charm. I had given her a necklace before but I doubt she still had possession of it. This would be our fresh start, this would be my apology, and this would selfishly be my way of making me feel less guilty. No amount of expensive jewellery would make up for what I did, but that didn't matter to me. I wanted to shower her in everything she deserved, I just wanted to show her I love her, but I didn't know any other way of doing so.

I slowly move toward the front desk of the jewellers where an attractive woman stood, her hair pulled back in a tight pony tail and her finger nails as authentic as my cheerful exterior. She looked at me expectedly and I opened my mouth to speak, hoping to ask if they still had the necklace, which I had seen online, in stock, but no words came out of my mouth. I glanced back to the window where I had previously been standing before looking back to the woman who was now staring at me with a confused expression.

"Do you by any chance still have the golden necklace in stock with the 'A' charm?" when I said it out loud, the idea seemed strange, buying my girlfriend a necklace with the initial of the person who previously stalked her and forced me to abandon her, which lead her on this downward spiral. But Aria was a unique name and finding a necklace with it was unlikely in such short notice.

The lady typed away on the computer and a smile graced her lips as she returned her sights to me, nodding cheerfully. I gave a weak smile before asking her if I could proceed to buying the necklace. Once the transaction had been made, I turned to walk out of the store when I caught sight of the ring again. There was still one more thing I had to buy before I left…

* * *

"Hey." I monotonously greeted Ella as I entered Aria's room, Ella sat on the arm chair that she had claimed her own these last few days.

"Hey, Ezra." She croaked. Her smile shaky and her eyes puffy with tears.

"How are you?" I carefully asked, even though it was pretty clear from how she looked that she wasn't doing so well. Her hair was tied back into a messy pony tail, her eyes carried bags, and her face looked as if gravity was pulling it towards the ground.

"I'm fine." She sniffed. "You?"

"I-I'm fine."

I pulled up a chair beside Aria, the chair I had also made my own on the other side of Aria's bed. I took her hand in mine and stroked my thumb over it, remembering the night I had laid with her. That night I dreamt that she woke up in my arms and turned to me with drowsy eyes and her familiar tired voice as if she had just woken up from a nap. She told me she loved me and that I needed to relax because she was right beside me and she wasn't going anywhere. I woke up and she was right beside me, but she wasn't awake and she still isn't. The next night Ella stayed with her and I lay in my own bed, staring at my ceiling until the sun came up.

"Anything happened whilst I was gone?" I asked Ella, though my sight remained on Aria as if I would miss something if I looked away for even a second.

"Not really." Ella sighed as she, too, stared down at her daughter. "This is so tiring." She admitted. It was the first truthful thing either of us had confessed about how we had felt toward this situation.

"I know." I breathed out, holding Aria's cold hand a little tighter. "You can go out for a while; I'll look out for her. You look like you may need a break, Ella." I considerately offered Ella who hadn't left Aria's side since the previous morning.

"I suppose you're right. I just hate leaving her." Ella said, running a hand over her exhausted, aching face. I didn't reply, but I felt the exact same way.

"I'm going to go for a walk, clear my head a bit." She announced after a minute of silence, lifting herself from the chair. "I'll be back by 6."

"Take care of yourself, Ella." I called, giving her my most genuine smile that still felt false.

Ella nodded and returned the smile before disappearing from the ward. I then sat with Aria alone with my sweaty hand still firmly holding hers, I laughed to myself slightly as I thought how conscious Aria would pull her hand away in disgust at the perspiration that seeped through my pores.

I was shocked when, merely 30 minutes later, the door to Aria's room opened. I turned, expecting to see that Ella had returned an hour earlier than she had anticipated. I was surprised, however, when entered Spencer Hastings. I hadn't seen Spencer since a while before I had left Rosewood. Spencer hadn't changed much, her fashion sense had matured and she now supported bangs, but other than that she still looked like the same eager 16-year-old who raised her hand at any given opportunity during my lessons.

"Spencer?" I incredulously questioned as I instinctively rose from my seat to greet her.

"Ezra." She breathlessly greeted, it was pretty clear that she had rushed to see her. Her hair was wild from her fight against the wind and her clothes were distorted.

Her eyes fell on Aria and it was like she was frozen in time, I knew because that's just as I had felt. It all seemed so real once you saw her laying there and it hits you with a blow that you didn't expect. I didn't speak and allowed Spencer to process this all in her mind. I looked away to give her privacy as she cried, scampering over to Aria's side where she sobbed. I felt to leave Spencer alone with Aria, but a selfish part of me made me stay because I couldn't bear to lose another moment with her. Time had become such a precious thing that the concept of me having once left her for 5 years seemed absurd. i wished I could take all those years back and give them to her.

"Do you want some coffee or anything?" I coyly asked Spencer who had now stopped crying and was instead in a state of paralysis.

"I'm fine, thanks." She distantly responded. "I can't believe this is happening."

"Me either." I agreed, watching as Spencer did exactly as I. She analysed her face and appreciated her beauty as she never had before, analysed it as if it were the last time she would ever do so. She missed every expression, even the most unattractive. I knew this all too well because I did the same.

"I'll leave you alone for a while." I finally declared.

I remembered how vital my time alone with Aria was. It was a time where I could voice my love for her without worrying what people thought of me. It was time where I could share the same closeness that I once did when she was conscious. Spencer gave me a thankful smile and I retreated to the ICU where I sat and found entertainment on my phone. I hadn't really checked my phone since I got the call from the hospital; the phone didn't really serve much purpose to me until now.

After a while of flicking through my social networks, I grew bored and just annoyed at the world for being so happy when something so tragic was happening. I then opened my camera roll and found solace in the pictures I had taken before the incident. The first few images were silly internet memes that Aria had sent to me from the other end of the couch; I could so vividly hear her little snigger as she sneakily watched my reaction at the images that she found so amusing. I, of course, laughed regardless of whether I found them funny because, in truth, her proud little smirk was worth the falsity. After passing the images, I came to a halt when I came across a selfie of myself and Aria. It was a picture of us in my apartment, pulling silly faces into the camera, finding ourselves hilarious. I was then struck by an even earlier memory...

 _We were singing at the top our lungs as we drove aimlessly through the streets of Philadelphia. We had just returned from a fancy meal at some five star vegan restaurant that I had picked out to charm Aria, who was most definitely charmed and a little tipsy from the shared bottle of red wine. I knew that I would be the designated driver, and maybe rather naively, allowed her a few more drinks than I usually did. She was such a free spirit when drunk that I had no choice but to not regret it._

 _We pulled over outside the hotel that we had booked a night in, a break from the apartment that Aria said was beginning to make her "Stir-crazy." I watched her with complete amusement as she continued to belt 'Zephyr' by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, killing it with every dead note that spilt from her uncoordinated mouth. Drunken Aria never seemed to really care that she was embarrassing herself in front of her older boyfriend, and I liked that because I loved her careless side._

 _Wanting to capture this hilarious moment and use it to torture her in her hung-over state the next morning, I discreetly pulled my phone from my pants pocket and began filming as she confidently sang at the top of her lungs. Once she caught sight of the object in my right hand she stopped and gasped, trying to pry the phone from my hands. It wasn't hard to avoid her swinging arms in her drunken state and soon she gave up. She threw herself against the seat, crossing her arms against her chest, and sulking like a toddler. I laughed and leant forward, kissing her cheek as I held the phone out in front of us and snapped the moment._

 _"_ _Did you just take a photo of us together?" She gasped, taking the phone from my hand and staring down at the image in complete surprise. I couldn't quite yet decipher whether her reaction was positive of negative._

 _"_ _Yeah…" I warily responded._

 _"_ _It's like we're a normal couple." She commented as she awed at the image._

 _I frowned at her statement and rested my head on her shoulder, looking down at my phone that was resting in her hands._

 _"_ _We are a normal couple, Aria. We don't need a photo to prove that."_

 _"_ _I-I just never realised how alien it was until now. I like this, we should take more." She chirped, her mood changing so fast that it almost gave me whiplash._

 _She held the camera up and proceeded to take a dozen more photos. The next morning, after Aria had flicked through the images in disgust at how "gross" she looked; I was only left with two pictures from that night. I never could bring myself to delete any image of myself and Aria, even after we broke up. They were all too meaningful and precious to us. It meant so much more than just a picture._

* * *

"Ezra!"

I heard my name being called and all of a sudden alarms went off in my head. I jumped up from my seat and followed the direction where my name was being repeatedly called from. As I rounded the corner, heading towards Aria's room, I saw Spencer running towards me. My eyes widened in trepidation as I began pacing towards her, my heart racing faster than ever before.

"What's going on?" I demanded, my fear turning to rage.

"Ezra," Spencer began, catching her breath "she moved."

* * *

 **An update twice in one week? It's crazy, right? I left it on a positive cliff-hanger because it seemed a few of you were worried that she was going to die. I hope this gives you an idea as to whether that is going to happen or not. I hope you enjoyed and I'll try to update soon. Thank you for reading and reviewing. love you guys!**

 **\- Tasha x**


	15. The Last Time

Chapter 15

The Last Time

It all happened so fast. The next thing I knew, Spencer and I were sprinting towards the ward where Aria lay. We came to a halt at the door, almost skidding to across the slippery floor due to the speed we were moving at. I wasn't sure what extraordinary change I expected to see during the few minutes Spencer had left the room. A part of me expected her to be sitting up, smiling to me like she always did. I imagined myself collapsing into her arms and pleading her to forgive me. I was wrong. Instead she remained in the same place as she was before. For a second I questioned if Spencer may have misconstrued her movements or wanted herself to believe it so much that she had deluded herself into believing it was real. I had never been so disappointed in my life.

I struggled over to the chair and collapsed into it, not being able to hold my own weight anymore. Spencer stared at me incredulously, tears rising in her eyes. I looked at her with such anger; a part of me blamed her for giving me such false hope. She knew this.

"Ezra, I promise you. I didn't imagine this." She frantically defended, point towards my Aria who remained completely still in the commotion.

"Spencer, could you just give me a minute… please?" I exasperatedly requested.

I just wanted to be alone with her for a minute, being away from her for that short period of time certainly hurt. I didn't want to feel that again. The concept of Aria waking up or even moving without me present worried me, I couldn't miss this. I had to be with her, through thick and thin.

Spencer sorrowfully nodded and left the room without another word leaving her mouth. I leant forward and finally allowed the tears to burst through my eyes. I gripped her hand with both of my own, my thumbs stroking the back of her soft skin. I wanted to feel my touch reciprocated, I wanted to see her smile, and I wanted her to be here in every possible way. This wasn't Aria, this was Aria's form. The true beauty came from the way she spoke so animatedly about art or how she would roll her eyes at me at any given chance, knowing how much I hated it. I'd given anything to have that back, even for a minute…

That's when I felt it. That's when time froze around me and all I could think about was the grip Aria gave to my hand, it disappeared as quickly as it came, but it was real. I didn't imagine that. Maybe Spencer wasn't imagining it either. I didn't know what to do, thoughts clouded my mind and I knew what I was supposed to do, but I couldn't move. I couldn't believe it.

"Aria?" I whispered over to her. "Aria if you can hear me, please wake up." I begged before planting a kiss to her hand. "Please."

My eyes roamed over her entire body, searching for any sense of movement, but there was nothing. I groaned in frustration and ran a hand through my hair before returning my sights to the face of my beautiful Aria. Just one more sign, that's all I was asking from. And, as if Aria could read my thoughts, her eyes began to move inside her eyes lids that remained shut. I held my breath as I waited for her to wake, as if any movement or noise would make her crawl back into her shell.

Then, there they were. Her eyes fluttered open and revealed those hazel eyes that I never before had been so happy to see. I had never thought I could miss seeing them so much. I was silent as I noted every unique pattern in her eyes, the way sprinkles of green decorated the brown undercoat. She was breath-taking. I stared at her completely breathless as she came to. I was as still as I could be, yet that didn't prevent the tears that continued to fall down my red cheeks.

"Ezra?" Her dry voice croaked.

She said my name; I had never loved the sound of my name so much before in my life. I was so surprised and elated that I wasn't sure what to do or even to react, I just stood gobsmacked as I watched her wake to me and only me… just how I had imagined it would be.

"Aria." I finally responded, collapsing to my knees so that my face was level with her own. "Oh my god, you're actually awake."

"Yeah." She responded with a dry chuckle. "What happened to me?"

"Yo-You were in a coma, but you're awake now. That doesn't matter." I dismissed, I didn't exactly want to dwell on the dreadful past couple of days that I had endured without her. "What matters is that you're awake." I enthused as I squeezed on to her delicate hand.

"Wait." Aria began; she gave me a look of perplexity as she tried to piece everything together in her mind, scurrying to sit up as shock took over her. It was obvious that nothing would be clear to her as of now and I knew as soon as they were that this wouldn't last. "Why was I in a coma exactly?"

I cleared my throat and scooted closer to her, grabbing both her hands in my own as I readied myself to give her the shocking news.

"You overdose on cocaine." I sighed, the words feeling like a blow to the stomach. I didn't feel like adding the reason why, though I knew I had to sooner or later.

Aria's face dropped as she became more surprised by the information given rather than confused. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted when Spencer burst through the door with a look of sheer joy on her face as she rushed over to her friend, gathering her up in her arms. Aria was slow to react, it was clear this was all slightly overwhelming for her, which was completely understandable, but she responded anyway by engulfing her friend in a tight embrace. To Aria she had just blinked her eyes and she was here, but to everyone else it had been days of worrying and crying over her. She knew that, which is why she did her best to appreciate it as if she had, too, felt the same temporary loss as we did.

I had the sudden realisation that this room wasn't filled with the people that deserved to be there at such a momentous moment. I slipped my phone from my pocket and called the most important person there was to call: Ella Montgomery.

"Ella!" I enthusiastically greeted once she answered the call on the second ring.

"Ezra." She replied, slightly anxious and slightly hopeful as she waited what news would be thrown her way.

"She's awake, Ella." Ezra simply stated as he stared down at the two girls who shared a loving exchange with a smile that he didn't think could ever fade, his cheeks burning from the sensation.

"I'm coming now." Ella eagerly stated before ending the call.

"Your mom's on her way." I informed the Aria who looked up at me expectantly.

"My mom knows?" She asked, sounding disappointed by the revelation.

I understood why. Who would want their mother to know that they overdosed on cocaine? No one. She had to know though, and she was the first to do so, after Monika, of course, who Ezra noticed hadn't been present the entire time Aria was hauled up in this place. What a friend she was.

"Yeah, but everything is going to be okay." Spencer promised Aria as she stroked her face.

"I'm such a sorry excuse for a daughter." Aria regretfully sighed.

"Hey, hey, hey." I comforted as scooted beside her on the bed, taking her hand in my own. "This experience doesn't define you as anything. It was an accident." I consoled her, but from her prominent frown it was evident that she wasn't budging. "Aria, you are a beautiful person and an especially beautiful daughter."

"Thank you." Aria sniffled, her eyes returning to mine from her hands that rested in her lap. "I love you."

The sound was like music to my ear, it was as if I had heard God himself talk. I couldn't imagine a sound or words more perfect in my life and I treasured them as I knew this might be the last time I ever hear them. Once she remembers everything, I won't be expected 'I love you's anymore, only 'I hate you.' That is exactly what I deserved.

"I love you too." I smiled, gently stroking her cheek.

Every moment with her was worth a thousand. I never wanted to lose her again and so I counted every second as if it were an hour, treasuring them as if I were the richest man in the world. And I was, I was rich in love. I was rich because my love for Aria was worth more than all the money in the world, and soon I knew I'd be poor. No money or love in the world would ever replace this. I would be bankrupt and it was my own fault for gambling it all away.

"My baby." The familiar motherly voice of Ella Montgomery exclaimed with sheer glee from across the room as she sprinted over to her daughter who sat in her hospital bed.

I stood from the bed and allowed Ella all the access she needed to get close to her daughter. I couldn't even imagine a bond greater than the bond of a mother and her daughter and I knew that I wasn't the most important person in the room anymore. No matter whether Aria will always be the most important in mine, I won't always be hers and I needed to get used to that, especially if I was going to cope without her.

The night came to an end and all the visitors had come and gone, I then just became a face in the crowd whilst Aria was overcome with people coming to see her and make sure she was well. The Doctor came to check up on her and deemed her fit to return home. I figured that home was no longer our apartment, but home would be Rosewood.

The crowd was finally gone and we were all ready to leave, Kate now accompanying us after turning up to visit Aria. As we reached the exit door the moment I had been dreading rose and I knew I would have to say goodbye to her, even though it was the last thing I ever wanted to say. It was either Rosewood, my apartment, or Kate's. I was her home currently, Ella was her mother and therefore would always be her home, and Kate's apartment was her actual home. It just didn't feel that way anymore. Aria didn't feel like a guest in my apartment, she felt like she was my roommate in our apartment. That wouldn't last much longer. The whole reason she stayed with me was so I could protect her and I had failed my job miserable, thus I was fired.

"You ready, sweetie? Mark is parked somewhere around here." Ella said as she placed a comforting arm around her fragile daughter.

"Um… Mom, I think I'm going to go home instead." Aria sheepishly told her loving mother, who was rather shocked by her statement as much as both Kate and I were.

"Where's that, honey?" Ella asked as she exchanged glances between me and Kate.

My heart was racing hard in my chest as I anxiously awaited her reply. Aria turned to the both of us and smiled widely before focusing her attention solely on me.

"Ezra's, he has all my stuff." Aria informed us all.

I was just as surprised as the both of the women before me. Why she would want to stay with me after it happening under my care was beyond me, but I didn't want to fight her on this because, selfishly, I needed this.

"Okay." Ella hesitantly agreed. "You need a ride home?"

"Its fine, I've got the car."

"Sure. We need to talk about further arrangements tomorrow." Ella sternly whispered to me before she gave Aria one last tight hug and waved goodbye to Kate and me.

The car journey was silent as she drew patterns on the glass that was clouded with condensation. I could understand why she wouldn't want to talk; the whole thing must've been tiring for her- even if she has slept for almost 3 days straight. 3 days. It was crazy when I thought of it like that- only 3 days. It felt like the longest 3 days of my life. So much emotion was filled during that time. I felt like pinching myself because seeing her beside me felt like a dream, watching her hands that I once thought would never move again, painted patterns into the condensation on my car window. I wasn't sure what she was writing or drawing, but I didn't care. I just cared that she was here and that she chose me.

With a spontaneous decision I reached for the hand resting on her lap and took hold of it. I rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand, I felt a spark of electricity surge through my body when I felt her return a gentle squeeze on my hand. The feeling felt almost alien. I took my eyes from the empty road ahead to look over to her. Finally she looked over to me, the smile I had missed shone at me and I was overcome with tears. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of the tears that dropped down my cheeks.

"Ezra? What's wrong?" She worrisomely questioned, leaning over to me and wiping my tears.

"Nothing. I'm just so glad you're back." I reassuringly smiled before looking back at the road.

I could see from the corner of my eye as she smiled and soon nuzzled herself into my side whilst her arms wrapped around my own. I knew from that moment that I had her back and I wasn't willing to let her go. If Ella was planning on taking her from me then I would fight for her. I know I made a mistake, but I was determined to redeem myself. This was the last time I lose her.

* * *

 **I know this has taken me a while to update, I am sorry. My mum closed the laptop with something inside of it and cracked the screen, it is still cracked, but a friend of mine told me to connect it to my TV and write, which is exactly what I am doing. I apologise for how short this chapter is, but the next chapter will hopefully redeem that and I will try to update as soon as possible. Love all you guys for the support and motivation to update. Thank you!**

 **\- Tasha x**


	16. Take me back to the start

_Chapter 16_

 _Take me back to the Start_

 _I could see from the corner of my eye as she smiled and soon nuzzled herself into my side whilst her arms wrapped around my own. I knew from that moment that I had her back and I wasn't willing to let her go. If Ella was planning on taking her from me then I would fight for her. I know I made a mistake, but I was determined to redeem myself. This was the last time I lose her._

* * *

I could hear obnoxiously loud noises coming from the living room and fought to open my heavy eyelids. The room was surprisingly bright even though it felt like I had only close my eyes minutes ago, I was also surprised at the lack of warmth that initially lay beside me. Last night we had returned home and opted to go straight to bed, it seemed Aria was unusually tired for a girl who had spent the past few days in a coma, but I understood it. Yesterday evening must've been exhausting for Aria, waking up to find out she had OD'd and ended up in a coma is definitely not going to be a walk in the park. Yet, I hadn't fallen asleep as easy as she. I stayed awake watching her. My eyes trained on the rising and falling of her chest, worried by the prospect of the naturally rhythm faltering. I was also scared that she wouldn't wake up again. The fears were possibly rather irrational, but to me they seemed reasonable after the past week I had endured without her. This is why waking up to an Aria-less bed was more settling than alarming.

I dragged my tired body out of the distorted sheets and padded out into the living room where Aria sat on the couch, her legs crossed and a bowl of cereal in hand. Her eyes were fixed on the television screen that played Seinfeld reruns and the image was an amusing one. I let out a small chuckle as I continued into the Kitchen and made my own bowl of Cocoa Puffs, before joining her. Only then, when I sat beside her did she turn to look at me with a smile that I will forever be grateful to see… that is if I continued to see it forever. I hoped she would let me. I just still couldn't ignore the knots that tied in my stomach at the prospect of Aria finding out what happened that night and saying goodbye to me forever. I was appreciating this for as long as it would last.

"You know, when I was younger I always wanted to be a Yankee. I loved Friend, Seinfeld, and Sex and the City." Aria enthused, her eyes never leaving the TV screen. "Now I am actually living here, it feels like a crazy dream sometimes."

For Aria this was just another morning, she didn't feel like she really missed anything because to her she hadn't. She had only really been sleeping for a few days as such. She didn't live through the possibilities of dying, she didn't think about never seeing us again because she was none the wiser as to what was actually going on. It was different for me though; I stayed up most nights staring at the ceiling thinking about a life without her, which is exactly why I was so completely in awe of her this morning.

Aria gave me a look of bemusement, her eyebrows raised at me expectantly. "What you staring at? Is there something on my face?"

"I just love you so much." I responded. Aria looked at me with a smirk, obviously expertly reading my expression. From my lazy smile and my drunk-looking eyes, she knew that I was completely and utterly enchanted by her in that moment. She had seen these looks on many occasions and, which is why she could always read me so well. That's what was so amazing with finding your soul mate, no one knew you better than they knew you, not even yourself.

Instantly Aria's lips were on mine with extreme vigour and I was rendered breathless. I kissed back with urgency, as if responding any later would make her stop. I didn't want her to stop. I wanted this to last forever. Kisses like these were like the first. So much passion and need. It was also so different. It contained so much more love and care. I wasn't kissing her just out of the prospect of possibly leading this to the bedroom. I was kissing her because I wanted to feel the innocent type of love that was rarely felt in real life. The type of love that was shown through lingering looks, the smallest of touches, and the simplest of words. The type of love you see in movies and spend years trying to find, though you're lucky if you ever do. I did, I found mine at the age of 23 and I would never find anything like it again. With a mere kiss, I knew this was everything I had been waiting for. This was it. We weren't two confused adults trying to make sense of our emotions. We were two people, who fell in love at a bar 5 years ago, and fought every obstacle in our wake. We were Ezra and Aria again.

After a while, our lips unlocked and our eyes met again. I could tell that she felt it too. I don't know if it was the gloss that coated her hazel eyes of the way of lips remained agape, but I knew she felt it too. She felt the world stop around us, just like our first kiss.

"I love you too." She finally responded, her voice so soft I could barely hear it. I didn't need to hear it though, because I had just felt it.

"Marry me?" I automatically questioned.

The words just fell out of my mouth before I could catch them. Aria stared back at me, mirroring the dumbfounded look that was on my face. It was crazy and spontaneous, but in that moment it had to be asked. It felt so right like there would be no moment more perfectly suited for such a question. Her silence, however, suggested otherwise.

"I am sorry. I don't mean to overwhelm you." I apologised as I took her hands between mine, thankful that she didn't jerk away. "I am not saying marry me tomorrow, I am not saying marry me next year, or even the year after that. I am just saying that one day I want to marry you and I want to know if you feel the same way." I convicted, my eyes promising everything that my words couldn't, sincerity.

"Of course." She suddenly exclaimed before wrapping her arms over me, knocking over the bowl of cereal that had previously been seated on her lap. I fought every urge to pull away and clean up the mess and, instead, I hugged her back just as tight.

Later that evening, whilst Aria and I sat on the couch watching 'The Notebook,' my phone started to buzz in my pocket. I pulled it from my pocket and glanced at the caller ID; it was Ella. Groaning inwardly, I stood up from the couch and politely excused myself as Aria remained engrossed in the movie. I entered my bedroom and closed the door behind me, quickly answering the call before it went dead.

"Ella?" I whispered into the phone, still slight conscious that Aria might overhear the conversation.

"Ezra, are you alone?" Ella asked. Her tone just as serious as mine. It seemed the call was mostly about business; Aria's business.

"Yeah, what's up?" I intended my response to seem a lot lighter, hoping to ease the intensity of the phone call.

"Well, I was hoping tomorrow I could stop by and we could have a serious talk about certain matters." Ella explained, her stern tone not wavering, no matter how casually I had hoped the conversation to be. We weren't discussing a bank deal; this was about Aria, a girl we both loved. Why the call had to be so reserved and professional, I didn't know.

"Of course… Do you want Aria here?" I hesitantly questioned. Some part of me thought it would be wise to have Aria here, it was her life after all, but another part knew that maybe it would be best if she wasn't. Either way, I wasn't going to fight for what I thought was right, I was going to fight for Aria as well. It was only fair.

"No. I think we should talk to her after." Ella bluntly replied. "I'll be over at around 6 tomorrow. See you then, Ezra."

The phone call had ended and I let out a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding in before I returned to the living room where Aria remained, lying on the couch with her lead rested on the arm. I greeted her with a smile before lifting up her legs and sitting down, allowing them to rest on my lap as I absently massaged them. Everything felt so… normal. I didn't feel like I was Aria's watch dog, I felt like I was sat with my girlfriend in our apartment like any ordinary couple. I was sat with Aria, the girl I had met at that bar. Not the Aria who partied every weekend, took drugs, and slept around. This was the Aria who cheated whilst doing crossword puzzles, wore forks for earrings, and raided my apartment for books to read every night before bed. This was my Aria. This Aria didn't need rehab.

* * *

It was 5 o'clock and Aria stood in her room, gazing into her floor length mirror as she gently swayed, admiring herself. I silently crept over to the door frame and stared in at her, amusement etched across my features as I watched her hum to her own tune. Only then did I recognise what she was wearing, it was the dress she had worn that day she had met me at the bar… all those 6 years ago. I was surprised she even still had it.

"That's a throwback." I smugly commented. She span to face me and jerked away, almost colliding with the mirror behind her, causing me to burst into laughter that I couldn't contain.

She playfully scowled at for a moment before her face softened, "I'm surprised it still fits." She said as fingers traced the hem of her dress.

"I'm not." I replied, making her blush and roll her eyes. "I am, however, surprised that you still have it. Thought you would have thrown it away, it's not necessarily your style anymore."

"Well, things always come back in fashion." She smiled as she turned back to admiring herself in the mirror, her eyes watching me through the reflection as my eyes scanned over her body.

"You know, I am not sure if it ever _was_ in fashion." I quipped as I made my way towards her, her face a mixture of offense and hilarity.

"I almost forgot how witty you were, Mr Fitz." She smirked as she turned to face me once again. I was now close enough to touch her, my hands taking a hold of her and pulling her closer to me, our lips instantly meshing together into a sweet kiss.

"You still going over to Kate's?" I asked once our lips had descended from one another's.

"Why? You eager to get rid of me?" She teased as her arms wrapped around my neck, her fingers gently playing with the ends of my hair.

"No, I was just wondering." I nonchalantly shrugged before kissing her once again. In truth, I was quite eager to get rid of her, not for any reason other than the fact that her mother would be over shortly and she was persistent that Aria wouldn't be here when she did so.

"Well, if you must know, she is coming to pick me up in around 15 minutes." Aria finally answered as she smiled up at me. "I can't believe I have to get picked up, I feel like a 15 year old again." Aria groaned as her arms fell at her sides, our bodies still close.

"You know why we're doing this. You have to gain back our trust." I explained to her, like a parent would explain to their defiant daughter as to why she was grounded. It was pretty obvious as to why, but it seemed they needed reminding once every so often.

"Fine." She obnoxiously huffed making me chuckle. I then captured her in one last, short lived kiss before leaving her to finish getting ready whilst I anxiously waited in the living room, counting down the minutes until she left whilst hoping Ella wouldn't yet arrive.

It had been longer than 15 minutes, I knew I had been counting, when Aria danced out of room. She threw her purse over her shoulder as she chirpily approached me so she could kiss me goodbye. My anxiety had completely diminished as the word 'farewell' feel from her heart shaped lips that were plump from our lingering kiss. I really didn't want her to leave; I craved her at my side more than I ever before, but I knew I couldn't haul her up in my apartment. She was a free bird, she always had been.

I sat alone in my thoughts, chewing on my finger nails, as I waited for Ella to arrive. She text me that she was round the corner and I knew that this was completely unavoidable now. This had to be settled. I knew what Ella was going to suggest and I knew that it was the thing I wanted the least. Aria was going to rehab and I had little say. That last incident was her last strike. She was out.

The door buzzed and I shot up immediately, taking long urgent strides to the door. I swung the door open to Ella Montgomery who greeted me with a sweet smile; she was a sweet woman… with a very dominant side to her. I had been on the receiving end to that dominant, reserved side of her. I never expected to see it again after Aria and I had ended things, but here I am.

"Do you want anything? A coffee?" I nervously offered as I observed her whilst her narrowed eyes scanned through my apartment. I wondered what she was really thinking. Was she analysing to see if this was a suitable place for Aria to stay, like an social worker would check for if a parents' house was child proof. I wasn't worried though. It's not like there were drugs in every corner of my apartment.

"No, thank you." She politely answered with a pursed lipped smile. "I wasn't planning on stay long, I just thought I should fill you in on a few decisions that Byron and I had made."

"Um… do I not get a choice?" I asked, in the calmest manner possible.

"Do you think you deserve a choice?" Her question confused me, taking me aback.

I shook my head at her in disbelief, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, she was in your care when this happened." Ella vaguely responded, she left me to infer what she meant by that. I caught on to the fact that she felt I was partially to blame. I couldn't really argue back since I did agree. I opened my mouth though, as if I were going to protest, but closed it again with the knowledge that any protest would be futile. "Ezra, I think that rehab would be the best place for her right now." Ella regretfully informed me, her head bowing slightly.

I knew Ella didn't really want to do this. I understood that Ella was a caring mother and being a caring mother sometimes meant that you had to do things you didn't want to in order to make life better for her children. She had displayed that the time Aria came crying to me about the time Ella had considered sending her to boarding school. To me, that was cruel and in just, but I would never understand until I become a parent. You had to make sacrifices for your family. I still didn't feel like this was the right thing to do.

"She's been doing great though. I think she has really learned her lesson." I desperately stated, hoping that I would somehow persuade her to let her stay with me. Her pitiful face told me that wasn't going to happen.

"It's only been two days… it could change in a second and then it will be too late." She explained, her argument was much more valid than my own and I could only nod at her response. "I don't want this either, Ezra… but I don't want to lose either." Her hand stretched to reach my shoulder as my eyes found interest on the floor boards, fighting my tears.

"I know, but what if Aria doesn't want this." I retorted, bringing my eyes to meet hers again. "Are we just going to take her kicking and screaming, she's and adult she should have the right to choose."

Ella opened her mouth to reply, but was suddenly interrupted.

"I want to go."

* * *

 **A/N: So, I know this is pretty short, but I was pretty adamant on leaving it on a bit of a cliff hanger. I also have an essay to write so I haven't exactly got a lot of time to proof ready expertly, I hope it isn't just complete gibberish. Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means a lot! I'll try my hardest to update before Christmas!**

 **\- Tasha x**


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